So have you ever been in a situation when you’re chatting with some people, maybe some mates, and you mention something about yourself that you suspect they would probably find surprising, it may be a personal accomplishment, piece of family trivia – you’re related to Colin Firth etc – whatever it is, there is a completely valid reason why you are bringing up this nugget of information at this moment in time, however, when you tell them, they act indifferent or ignore you.
I have always been told ‘don’t blow your own trumpet let other people to do it for you’. Some of the most accomplished, secure, inspiring people I have met in ordinary life or seen in interviews never scream to the world about how much money, friends or talent they have. On the flip side does this mean we should moderate our sharing of personal triumphs or posotive experiences for fear of sounding big headed or arrogant?
Personally there is nothing I detest more that someone who talks about themselves the whole time. You know the ones… they announce their A* grades on their Facebook status, brag about their sex lives on the bus, flash their cash at the bar. ‘What a wanker’ I think to myself when I encounter these miscreants. But at the same time I do not think anyone should ever feel discouraged or made to feel embarrassed by the things they have done, achieved or experienced.
A couple of months ago a friend and I had been invited to a prestigious film event in the heart of London. Now I’m not bragging but between you, me and my mate it was sort of a big deal. I mean, it was pretty exclusive and rather glamorous so you couldn’t blame us for being excited!
On the journey back home we bumped into a colleague on the tube. She was blushing like a cherry, jittering like a school girl and was clearly aroused. ‘Where have you been?’ My friend inquired with genuine interest. ‘I just saw Daniel Radcliff at the Harry Potter premier’ she beamed. ‘How cool!’ I exclaimed, ‘That’s great!’ my mate chimed, neither of us were particular Radcliff fans but it felt only natural to share in her excitement. ‘Where have you been’ she finally asked. My friend and I grinned at each other. Ahhh someone to share our exciting experience with! ‘We have just been to…’ As we told her she seemed to withdraw her attention towards her hand bag.
There was an awkward silence as we waited for a response.
Maybe she didn’t hear. I continued ‘Yeah it was really cool. We were really lucky to get the opportunity’.
The girl got out her phone.
Was she deaf? Did I even talk out loud? It was sooo bizarre.
My friend and I got the hint. This person didn’t want to know we had been to an exclusive event. Neither did she didn’t want to share in our excitement. Maybe it was jealousy? Maybe she thought we were showing off?
Now I realize this is on a very small scale but this kind of thing has happened to me several times. I have been lucky enough to have had one or two fabulous opportunities in my life, (which might I add I have worked bloody hard for), however, when I have mentioned my achievements in (relevant) conversation I have been snubbed, ignored and even once publicly mocked in front of a room full of people!!
I was reminded by a documentary I once watched on E! about Christina Aguilera that gave me great encouragement at this difficult time. After the songstress first hit the big time she returned to her high school to attend her prom but was cruelly snubbed by the whole school. Ouch! Reportedly ‘Genie in a Bottle’ cleared the dance floor in seconds. No-one wanted to share in her success or even acknowledge it. How rude!!! Not surprisingly the superstar was crushed. Here was a seriously kick ass girl, achieving incredible success and yet no-one wanted to share in her joy.
Was I was groping for acknowledgement from my peers by talking about things I have done? Was I insecure? The negativity began to snowball. But it got me thinking; was I a glory hunter?
I asked myself the following questions;
Do I care what people think of my achievements or something I have done?
Yes. (I would be completely lying if I said NO.)
If someone was to mock, ignore or snub something I have done/achieved would it diminish my sense of self achievement or pride?
Hmmmm (thinking…) NO. I do not believe it would.
Although it’s not nice to be ignored, did Miss IheartRadcliff’s not sharing in our excitement dampen the enjoyment of the experience?
HELL NO GIRL FRIEND!
PAHA!! 2 outta 3 ain’t bad!
In fact the more I thought about it Iheartradcliff’s reaction only made me realize that if there was anyone behaving discourteous it was her. I mean it’s only friendly to take an interest in other people. Whatever her beef was it wasn’t my problem.
I think the fact of the matter is sometimes in life people are reluctant to share in your happiness. This girl clearly did not want to acknowledge that we had been to a desirable event, nor did she want to give us the importance of talking about our experience. To me it seemed she put more effort into ignoring us than acting interested.
I have come to realise what while it is nice to be praised and acknowledged it is fruitless going out into the world expecting approval. I refuse to let my self-achievement or self-worth depend on other people’s reactions and if they don’t want to engage with that area of my life it is of no loss to me. Pow Pow!
Being able to share in other people’s achievements and happiness is a virtue. I’m not saying you have to kiss ass but a little enthusiasm can never be a turn off. People who do encourage, commend and take interest in the lives of others are rare and magnificent in my eyes – many of my friends and family are exactly this breed of human being.
While it’s best not blow your own trumpet, sometimes you should! We all have or will do amazing, great, fun things in our lives and what’s the point of it all if you can’t even talk about it. Those people who refuse to join you in happiness should just stick to their one man band.
Have a fabtabulous week people!!