Dating Etiquette, Period

How many times have you heard a friend mention how grossed out they are by the idea of sex on menses?

Actually, how often does anyone even speak openly about ‘riding the crimson wave’? ‘Hardly ever’, do I hear you say?

I’m not saying you should have sex on menses – it’s a personal choice to make under specific circumstance – I’m just asking you to take the possibility into consideration. I am just saying we should all  – men and women alike, no age restrictions – be able to TALK about it.  If you can’t voice it, how will you ever know what your opinion is on the issue?

(Image via)

Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long make by far the best couple in He’s Just Not That Into You because they are open with one another…. 

Let’s take a progressive attitude towards how we think about dating, sex and periods.

I’m just going to put this out there: periods are a fact of life, and they are an issue we should all be more open about.

If you’re squeamish then this is a topic you would probably prefer not to discuss, but that’s why it’s SO IMPORTANT that you keep reading.

At 7:22 last Friday, I sent the following text to a dear and very close friend of mine:

“What on earth is the etiquette with periods when dating? Are you supposed to “be indisposed” and hide from the world while you ‘can’t’ have sex, or, if not, how do you say no without saying that you’re on, or seeming like you’re not interested?!”

It’s a complex issue for 7:22, particularly on an exhausted and marginally hungover Friday morning, but it had been on my mind since the previous evening, when I’d agreed to meet someone for a drink on Friday after work. I couldn’t work out what to do – should I cancel, last minute? Should I text ahead to say ‘I’m excited to see you, but you can’t stay over’? It may seem overly cocky to presume he’d want to come home with me to spend the night, but he’d said as much over the phone. I have no shame in saying the feeling was mutual.

I am quite recently single, having been in a pretty serious long-distance relationship for three-and-a-half years until June, and it’s not really something that had ever really been an issue before. Most of the time, we wouldn’t see one another during my time of the month. When we did, he’d be fairly understanding about it, and leave the coitus decision to me – he wasn’t squeamish. So, when the occasion arose, I felt absolutely clueless as to how one ought to proceed…

By now, you’re probably thinking that I’m a little bit mental, which is undoubtedly true. I am also very liberal, outspoken, and a feminist – a Caitlin Moran style feminist, not a man-hater. I grew up in a household where, on the occasion of my menarche (new word of the day: first period), my mother grinned, said a congratulatory ‘well done’, and bought me a piece of jewellery in celebration. So I am often quite surprised to discover that people are shocked at open discussion of menstruation, sex, or both combined.

From my experience, most men – and I’m probably making a massive generalisation here – don’t talk about it either. And most men – despite not actually experiencing catamenia first hand – know at least the basic facts. Or so I would hope.

Sex education is a massive issue in itself, so we’ll save that one for now. In relationships, even when a couple have been together for years, her Auntie Flo becomes some unspoken monthly event that makes her over-emotional and prevents them from shagging. Some men can be quite sympathetic, offering a back-rub or a hot water bottle and some chocolate when the painters and decorators are in.

(Image via)

When it comes to sex, couples don’t tend to even TALK about banging while she’s on the blob. Instead, it’s almost seen as a requirement, a duty, for her to provide him with an alternative. He will expect her to go down, and in that case, he gets his, but she don’t get hers. And we all know how frustrating and demeaning that feels.

Couples don’t talk about it because most women don’t feel they can talk openly about their periods – to their boyfriends, their dates, or even to their GIRLFRIENDS – because people are squeamish about it. This is mad. HALF of the world’s population has periods. It’s not disgusting, it’s a natural and very important aspect of life and reproduction.

We have SO MANY names for it (often pretty gross ones) yet we can’t discuss it? Oh the irony. The vast majority of people have sex at least once.  Most heterosexual couples probably recognise the situation I have described; the apprehension about ‘that time of the month’ is increased tenfold by refusing to talk about things. So come on, things have to change. A woman’s monthlies shouldn’t be a topic restricted to high school classrooms. 

I’m not saying you should have sex on menses – it’s a personal choice to make under specific circumstance – I’m just asking you to take the possibility into consideration. I am just saying we should all  – men and women alike, no age restrictions – be able to TALK about it.  If you can’t voice it, how will you ever know what your opinion is on the issue? Let’s take a progressive attitude towards how we think about dating, sex and periods.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Being open about issues like this could change things for women everywhere.

Knowledge is power after all, so imagine how the simple act of open discussion could improve things for women in all sorts of different cultures. For example, we could improve teenage pregnancy rates, or prevent the spread of sexually transmitted disease – just by being open and talking.

Now there’s something to think about!

Tags: couples dating periods relationships sex

Categories: Love & Relationships Wise up!