#YesAllWomen Where Do We Go From Here?
A month ago I was walking down the street in North London when a guy crossed the road and groped my boob.
I was with my female housemate, and he was in a group of four guys. I couldn’t quite believe it when it happened. I finally yelled ‘What the FUCK?’ as they walked away. Their response? Flinging their hands in the air, as if to say: what you going to do about it?
Great question. What was I going to do about it?
#YesAllWomen has unleashed a surge of sexism stories like this in the wake of the Elliot Rodger shooting.
But what I want to talk about is: what are we planning to do about it?
Articles like Jezebel’s ‘I’m Not an Angry Feminist. I’m a Furious One’. are all well and good for venting feelings, but unless you do anything about it, unless this article reaches out to the very people who are acting out, I don’t really know how this is going to initiate any real change.
Discussion is important, #YesAllWomen is important – it creates awareness, helps us know that we are not alone, creates a stir. But what’s next?
After my experience, some suggested I write a blog about it – but to be honest, at the time, I felt like: what’s the point? aliljoy.com readers are already aware of sexism and misogyny. Am I just preaching to the converted here or what?
What I really want to figure out is this: how we can change the status quo beyond our virtual world?
There needs to come a point where this conversation goes beyond talk.
Since visiting India late 2012/early 2013 my heart was opened to the suffering of women.
My heart broke when I discovered that 99% of sex trafficking victims are never found, after listening to A21 charity founder Christine Caine speak about her mission. There are currently about 29 million slaves in the world today, more then ever before.
In a report in the Evening Standard, Hazel Thompson reported that women are broken in by being caged like animals, before being forced into the sex trade in Mumbai.
And what about last week’s gang rape victims hanged from a tree in India, as police watched and laughed at the family who were begging for help? This happened in the state Uttar Pradesh, the place my mother was born and a region I have been to many times.
On home turf, I learnt the other week that 1 in 5 women in Surrey (one of the wealthiest counties in the UK) suffers abuse. Women who, from the outside, have every material need, live a secret life of fear and entrapment.
Amnesty International called last week ‘an abysmal week for women’s rights’.
I feel pretty depressed about the world and its problems – which seem overwhelmingly big – and I have drifted a million miles from my idyllic Katherine-Heigl-romantic-comedy-fluffy-existence. As much fun as it is to imagine, life isn’t a romantic comedy. And like Madeleine Davies from Jezebel, I feel really fucking mad right now – on so many levels.
Anger doesn’t effect change, unless it leads to action.
So what can we do?
I don’t know the exact answer to this question, but here’s where we can start:
1. Not crack under pressure.
‘You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them’ – Maya Angelou.
I passed another group of guys the other week and I immediately flinched. What was I wearing? Would they try to touch me? I felt fear.
But then I realised: if some fucker is going to try and touch my tits, they will try to do so whether I am covered up or in a bikini top. (I was wearing a leather jacket when the first incident happened. A LEATHER JACKET PEOPLE).
I refuse to live a life in which I fear assault or prejudice. Shying away isn’t an option. Going forward is the only one. We must persevere and not allow our confidence to be taken and our dignity to be stripped.
2. Men are/can be our allies, so start rallying their support.
‘We can not do everything, but everyone can do something’ – Darren, A21 supporter.
It’s not us verses them.
I was going to talk about the charming #NotAllMen backlash campaign – but you know what – I’m not even going to waste my energy. I don’t think the guy who tweeted ‘Shut up cunts!’ reads our lil’ collective.
Maybe he will never know what it’s like to be a woman, like I might not understand severe poverty, starvation, homelessness and erectile disfuction, but you know what? YOU CAN STILL HAVE EMPATHY.
ReThink’s Founder, Tahir Duckett’s says more then I could ever wish in his article for RoleReboot.
If Duckett gets it… why can’t other dudes get it?
3. Raise our eyes, voices, hearts and unite.
‘If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together’ – African Proverb.
I know it’s easier to look away, but it’s important we raise our eyes to see what’s happening in the world.
Strengthen your heart, don’t harden it. Sometimes we don’t want to see the pain because it upsets us too much. I get it. But you know what? Understanding injustice, and the local or global issues afoot, does not reduce your happiness. In fact, it opens your heart.
Raise your voice. There is strength in community, petitions, enforcement and action. You might not be the person who writes the petition but you can be the person to sign it.
Unite with organisations that help these causes, I mentioned A21 and ReThink, what about Amnesty International? yourSanctuary (Formally known as Surrey Women’s Aid). Shine is a global self-development program for women and girls, which allows you to train and start your own mentoring group.
If none of this works for you, just be that person to support someone in your world.
(Image via)
After my groping incident I felt completely helpless, so I did the Yaz-thing and gave myself a pep talk.
I made myself take the following pledge:
I have got a voice, so I will use it to speak up for women who have none. I don’t have much money, I don’t have much time, but give me a petition, I’ll sign. Point me to a person who needs someone to listen, I’ll listen. If I can help, I will. I will not be a bystander. I, my character and my self-worth, will not be reduced because of sexism. I will not live in fear. I am making a pledge to do whatever I can, with whatever I’ve got. I’m one of the good guys.
Do you have your own pledge? How you want to respond to sexism and misogyny? Give us your angle.
Have a great week peeps!
x
If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Dare to Make a Difference: Remembering Maya Angelou‘?
Tags: #YesAllWomen Amnesty International Feminism human rights Joy Women
Categories: Fire me up baby! Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement Yazmin Joy