November 28, 2011 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

First Date, Last Kiss

So he picks you up from your house with a twinkle in his eye, he opens the door as you head into the bar, you flirt over jazz and drinks, he laughs at your jokes and plays footsie with you under the table… on the walk home he talks about how we should do this again sometime and then (now this is the bit that kills me) he leans in and passionately kisses you in the moonlight. Mmm romance.

The next day you expect him to call right? Okay maybe not call; text, Facebook, email – I’m not fussy. You’re playing it cool. He definitely was diggin’ me last night you say to yourself. The day floats by. Not a peep. Okay maybe he’s busy you think. He did say he had a work presentation due today. He will definitely call me tomorrow. Tomorrow comes by. You decided to take intuitive, I’m a forward thinking 21^st century woman I’ll just casually text him. So you do. He replies some half assed message like ‘I’m good. Cheers. Hope your well.’ It’s the kind of message you expect to get from your third cousin from Istanbul. . HELLO what about the footsie? The flirting? THE KISS?

Okay I get the flirting, I even get the footsie but WHY do guys kiss girls after the first date when they have no intention of seeing them ever again?? Not one to generalize, I realize that not all guys will do this but in the past 3 weeks I have spoken to three different girls who have been jilted by pucker mouthed men. If you’re not interested, don’t kiss us! Comprende!

I have mused over why guys do this… maybe they just like kissing? After all kissing releases endorphins… are we (the girls) therefore acting as some kind of drug to anesthetize the low hormone levels of these first date serial smootchers?

Romantic? – you would think...

According to the photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt… this cheeky sailor was actually running round Times Square mindlessly snogging everything in sight… grannies, minors, billboards. Damn was this guy a serial smootcher if ever I saw one. I wonder if he called her the next day…

A guy I know shed some new light on this conundrum… ‘look, (he sighed as if he was giving up the da vinchi code) guys just don’t like to upset girls, if that means kissing them after a first date rather than telling them to their face that they don’t really fancy them – then so be it’.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, lookie here son, do guys not think we can handle rejection? Come on, it’s a first date! Girls are just as cautious and realistic when it comes to first dates as guys are (well most of us anyway). All three girl friends I spoke too would rather have ended the date smoochless than be waiting around like some sorta lemon for Mr Lets Do This Again Sometime to call.

Do guys need reminding… if I can push a baby out of my vagina then I am more than capable of coping with first date rejection! For all you know we might not be THAT interested anyway. You don’t have to be crass or rude about it, just a simple no- kiss is substantial enough to let us know where we stand.

I think that guys often forget that girls (ESPECIALLY on first dates) appreciate directness in regards to whether you likey likey or nawww lighty. Woman are actually far tougher then guys give us credit for. Thanks to our menstrual cycle ladies have a naturally higher pain threshold than most men. It has been my personal observation that we chicks also cope with our emotions in a far more efficient and healthy way then most men do (My ex still cries every time I see him while I wept every shred of pain and remorse out of my system the first few months we split).

Of course if you are lucky enough to become our beaux in the future you WILL need to be able to mind read and know exactly what I want and mean and say even if I say the complete opposite… But come on lads, let’s be realistic, we won’t be expecting all that till at least date number six. Give us some credit.

Maybe this whole situation is nothing to do with the woman whatsoever. Maybe it is the guy’s way of protecting his own ego. He kisses us not to protect our feelings but protect himself….

Now my mate mentions it I have recently noticed men do act rather strangely when women get upset. My dad for instance goes very quiet and stares at an empty space on the floor. One of my guy mates start pacing. My ex- used to want to find a solution even if there was no solution. So I guess when a guy is the source of a girl’s unhappiness, like in the first-date-rejection scenario, they are placed in an awful predicament which goes against their natural inclination to be the hero or the chief problem solver.

I guess I can only speculate what goes on in the crazy vortex of the male mental apparatus. Maybe the enigma of the First Date Last Kiss will baffle sexperts till the end of time. I am just as clueless as the next girl.

To my girls who were kissed then dismissed and anyone reading this who has been jilted by a serial first date smoocher… I hope this weeks entry affirms that you are not alone. I hope you know how great, fit and utterly desirable you are – that’s probably why he asked you out in the first place. His decision not to call you after kissing you just reveals his weak character and you shouldn’t take it personally. Let’s face it girls, the dudes who can’t be straight on the first date are probably not compatible with our kick ass lifestyles. Who has time for that kinda procrastination nowadays anyway?

To guys who never mislead women on first dates, respect to ya! Your no-bullshit mantra is admirable and I would like to raise my cafe latte (as I sit in this ‘ere cafe) to the fellas keeping it real.

Have a great week peeps