February 13, 2012 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

A Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Valentine Special

To my friends and family who restored my faith in love.

This time last year (a few days before the big V day) I was in a state. I had casually ambled into my local Waterstones to be unexpectedly ambushed by Valentine mushville over load. NOOOOOOOOO!

I had been so distracted by the excruciating pain of my own breakup that I hadn’t even clocked it was nearly Valentine’s Day. If I had realized this ghastly cheese fest bullshit holiday was nearby, I most definitely would have done a runner with nothing but the clothes on my back and a copy of the lesbian text The Well of Loneliness (which is a great read by the way), and retreated to a woodland glade for a few days, where I would have made a make shift hideout from an old bed sheet and my childhood swing-ball pole (love swingball). I digress.

Oh Waterstones… with your wanky little paper hearts pinned aggressively in every crevasse of your store. Your repulsive promotions: ‘books for your lover’, ‘books for book lovers’… O GET A GRIP!

Tearfully I stood in line for the counter while behind me a back-log of people waiting to pay for the special offer on Shakespeare sonnets was beginning to intensify. Smug bastards. Everyone was buying into the romance except sodding me. Just typical.

This old lady with a hearing aid was at the till.

Lady: What can ei do forr you my lover? (In Cornish accent)

Bashfully, I nudged closer and leaned forward to whisper.

Me: Do you have It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken?

I was trying to be discrete.

Lady: (Squinting trying to make out what I had said) Sorry, what did you say my dear?

Me: (slightly louder half whisper) I’m looking for a book called… (deep breath) It’s Called a Break up Because It’s Broken.

Lady: (Hesitating slightly) Sorry my love, you’re going to av to speak up a bit –

Me: – IT’S CALLED A BREAK UP BECAUSE IT’S BROOOOOOKEN?

I said loud and fast, as if I was pulling off a wax strip from my ankle. There was suddenly an uncomfortable stirring behind me as if I had just committed blasphemy.

Great! Now everyone in bloody queue knew I was going through some kind of emotional break down.

Lady: Give me a second…. So it’s called: IT’S. CALLED. A. BREAK. UP. BECAUSE. IT’S. BROKEN.

– typing it in her computer at a painfully slow pace. Come on lady GIVE ME A BREAK WILL YA!

I went red.

Lady: Oh yes, we have two copies left. You need to go to our SELF HELP SECTION.

– exclaiming crudely as she pointed to a depressingly dingy corner at back of the store with a significant lack of paper hearts. It was as if she was directing me to the leper ward or something.

So that was this time last year…

Right… before you think ‘this girl desperately needs therapy’ let me put this into context…

Despite my boyfriend and I breaking up almost a month earlier, I hadn’t actually had the chance to have the necessary melt down required when losing one of the most important people in my life-movie up till this point. Had I cried? Yes. Had I had endless conversations with my friends over coffee and cake trying to make sense of my feelings? Indeed I had. But the truth was, for a whole month I was in complete shock. I threw myself into my work and extracurricular activities to fill the gaps, but the reality was I hadn’t dealt with the situation at all.

That week I had come home from uni for the first time since Christmas. No sooner had I walked through the door the inevitable happened and my world went crashing down.

The days leading up to Valentines I stayed in bed and didn’t leave the house (except to sodding Waterstones and we all know how that turned out). I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. My parents and friends were so worried about me. I felt like a part of me had died. I know this sounds insane but it was like I was grieving the death of a loved one. Okay don’t judge me (but just to indicate to you how broken I was) I actually tried to imagine that my boyfriend had died, because the thought that he couldn’t physically call me was better than choosing to acknowledge he was deliberately not calling me. Crazy huh!

Recenty I began thinking about the night of the big break up… I had felt utterly alone. But without even having to ask, one of the few close uni friends I had at that point came straight over (with lots of chocolate) the instant he found out what had happened. Okay, he might have eaten the chocolate he brought as I told him my sob story but still…. Despite him having lectures the next day he stayed up with me the whole night. He even gave me a head massage because I had been weeping so much that I had got a headache. I know what you’re thinking: this guy is a legend. Believe me, he is! He even wrote me out a list of things to be happy about in my life so I wouldn’t focus on the gaping wound left in my chest where my heart used to be. But the most important thing he did for me that night was give me an invaluable piece of advice that I will never forget. When I told him that I felt a part of me had died, he replied:

‘Joy* you NEED to learn how to be a whole person on your own. You are not half a person. Listen to me. You are NOT half a person.’

Those words resonated with me throughout this process of heart recovery. If my mate is reading this right now… thank you darling. You are my angel and I will never forget what you did for me that night.

Now I am not saying that when you are in-love that that person isn’t a part of you – of course they are! But just as this can be beautiful it can also be unhealthy and intoxicating. I have realized, since then, how utterly emotionally dependant I was on my boyfriend. Soon after last Valentine’s I began working on Project ME!

I can tell ya, a year on I am single but for the first time in a long time I laugh every day. I am learning how to be a whole person on my own and my gawd I have never felt so liberated, happy, at peace and confident in myself as I do in this season of my life.

Getting through the initial drama of the break up was terrible but if you can wait it out TIME WILL HEAL YOU. I promise.

Now, if you have been through a breakup like this recently, I can tell you now, hand on my heart, Valentine’s Day is a toughy… But if you can get through this muther fucker you can get through anything.

Something I really detest is when single people get together and bad mouth couples on Valentines. I mean, it’s so dated. My advice: take encouragement from them. Let’s not hate on ta lovers yaaaaheard!

NOTE: recently my singleness has resulted in my having unexpected ruptures of gangstaaa-mouth, so forgive my sporadic outbreaks.

So back to LAST Valentine’s Day… I watched Love Story with my mum all day in my ex’s t-shirt (DO NOT WATCH if you are FRAGILE!!!! – Watching Ali Macgraw die of cancer kinda puts a downer on things), I listened to Keane’s first album repeatedly and played drunken love ballads on the piano before stepping on the cat by mistake and then retiring to bed at a hefty 8 o’clock. Pathetic huh!

My mother and I have had our share of ups and downs but that day she really stepped up for me. I don’t know how I would have done it without her. When I woke up at 3 am in the middle of the night and cried, she came into my room, lay down next to me and stroked my hair till I fell asleep. No words could ease the pain I felt but feeling her presence next to me was enough to lull me back into the comfort of dreaming. Looking back I know that there was no-one else I would have wanted to be with more on Valentines.

THIS FEBRUARY you knooow I’m guna watch When Harry Met Sally, youtube marriage proposals and probably make a pop video on my iphone of housemates and I dancing to Rihanna. That’s just how we singles rolllll right now!! What I aint guna do is sit round and mope or dig up my past photographs while knockin back gin. No-sir-ee.

I’m guna play Snoop Dog and make macaroni ya heard!

(Okay nuff gangster for now.)

You see, if you are single and feeling particularly shit on the build up to Valentines, you should remind yourself that you have something exciting ahead of you. Every day you wake up to the possibility of discovering love! Isn’t that just tummy tingling. All that mushy bullshit is all to come! How exciting!

When I think about this time last year all that pain has been replaced with the memories of friendship and love. Not romantic love. Just love. Straight out of the can!

Through this journey of heartache one thing I have become clear about is that love is everywhere. Okay I may not be going out for a fancy meal with Hayden Christenson, or getting a dozen red roses delivered to my door (I’ve always thought a single rose was more romantic… just thought I’d put that out there wink wink)… I mean of course all the mush would be nice but it’s not going to spoil my evening if it doesn’t happen….

WHAT I DO HAVE is some amazing friends and family who I am privileged to have in my life. WOOP!

Valentines is about love after all so as long as you are spending it with people you love then there is no need to feel inadequate or lonely or left out or down. Just enjoy it and have a laugh!

As for me, I feel like 2012 is a new chapter…

Happy Valentines Peeps.

Have a great week