May 21, 2012 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

Fully LOADED!!

So the other day – DON’T ASK me why but I was looking at LOADED’s online website (YES I do feel it necessary to type LOADED entirely in upper case – it’s a word that feels like it should be yelled or something – LOADED!!!). In case you didn’t know (I certainly didn’t till a few days ago) LOADED is (self claimed as) ‘the UK’s best men’s magazine’. What a claim. Let’s just say, my expectations were high.

So there I was with my hot coco and fuzzy bunny slippers just casually surfing unknown territory. I was curious OKAY! I think it’s completely healthy for a girl to check out male chill-time reading material. Gosh it was rather thrilling.

I had prepared myself for a few topless chicks, provocative photo shoots – ladies frolicking naked in daffodil fields. I saw this one picture of this stunning woman wearing a very nice crisp white shirt. How classy I thought – how Ralph Lauren – I began to scroll down – but I was utterly dismayed to see that the poor girl had unwittingly misplaced her underpants. No wonder her nipples were showing though that shirt – she was probably freezing.

I then clicked on LOADED DATING. For those of you who haven’t had the chance to look at this delightful “networking” site I shall explain… on one side of the page there was, or I should say IS, a ‘Soulmates’ catagory – which I personally thought was kind of cute. But as my innocent eyes shifted across the screen I read the words that would change my perception of the phrase ‘Brief Encounter’ forever. ‘If playing the field is more your thing, then look no further’… it said followed by a series of snap shots of various women.

Can I just say if ‘playing the field’ is your thing, don’t you think picking up chicks on a lad-mag website is a tad cheating? The site seemed to be designed for so called “players”, who are so unbelievably lazy (or gutless) they couldn’t even be arsed to get up off their easy lounger and make the effort to meet a women in person. Thank heavens LOADED has made one night stands ‘hassle free’ – now blokes don’t even have to dignify the girl with an attempted chat up line. I mean I was just horrified. Shame on you players. SHAME. ON. YOU! And all this time I thought you prided yourselves on your smooth operator tactics. But ironically this is a field game that requires no skill or tactics whatsoever.

I read on… ‘More choice than an argos catalogue’. Err Argos catalogue??? Was my eyes deceiving me or had the big shots at Loaded mistaken females for blenders? Blender??

Or GIRL?

Confusing, I know.

It concerns me (especially after some of the groping, gobby lads I have met on recent nights out) that young men are reading material like LOADED which is inadvertently fuelling the wrong perception of what healthy boy-girl relationships should be. I mean, it’s glamorising one night stands without any indication on the sexual health dangers or the emotional impact of the people involved.

Are we becoming a society that is emotionally disengaged from sex? I don’t know. I’m just asking. I realize that I probably sound like my granddad but whatever happened to courting? A male friend of mine told me the other day that he made dinner for a girl a few months back who had never had a guy cook for her in her whole life. Is this for real?

Look, I know one night stands are going to happen but what I guess I’m getting at is: is it really responsible to have this kind of ‘dating’ service so readily available at the click of a mouse by a national magazine?

I’m not JUST going to have a dig at the proprietors of the site. LADIES! – Of the ‘Brief Encounter’ kind – I am baffled and seriously want to understand what compelled you to send your stats to a site whose tag line is ‘…for men who should know better’?? What are you doing girls? Pipe down and put a cardi on love – know what I’m saying. Meet a man a normal way. I saw some of your pictures – you’re gorgeous, desirable – I get it – but come on, you are better than this. There are so many good, reliable dating services out there. You are being compared to the implements sold in an ARGOS catalogue for gawds sake. It’s not a compliment. It’s objectification. Aren’t you worth more than that?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with chicks doing provocative photo shoots. Neither do I have a problem with men appreciating this kind of photography. I think underwear can be sexy and liberating. If you got it hot-stuff then flaunt it, I say. Tasteful erotic nudity can be artful and poised. But I have massive reservations about chicks selling themselves short for the purpose for a one night stand.

Dudes who have subscribed to LOADED Dating, you know what, EVEN YOU are better than this. If you’re looking for a girl I suggest you grow a pair, pull out your penny loafers,spritz on some Davidoff Cool Water and have a night on the tiles.