Don’t Ask… The Questions I Don’t Want to Answer Right Now

I spotted her heading my way towards the bar with all the determination of a Salmon fish swimming upstream. I tried to look for an escape but it was too late. I was cornered and she was moving in like a hungry mantis to the place I (ironically) had come to drown my sorrows and forget. But no sooner had she arrived I could see the words already approaching her pruney lips. There is something I need to tell you about Aunt Gladys: she is a Question Master. And I was about to feel her wrath.

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“Hello Yazmin, so what are you up to at the moment then?”

And there it is: the single most ANNOYING question on the planet for any graduate (or twenty-something trying to find their feet).

The answer to this question is nothing and everything. I am currently like the wind, everywhere and nowhere. I am like Columbus, exploring a new terrain, scouring the landscape of possibilities that is my forsaken future (without the intent of pilaging and destroying of course).

“I’m a writer,” I declare.

Silence. I know what Gladys is thinking. Jobless. I try to think of an excuse to run away and hide in the toilets but my mind had gone blank.

“So how’s that chap? You know, the one you were seeing last Summer?”

I need a stiff drink. I try to get the bar tender’s attention.

“He’s dead.” Shocked gasp. “ – to me.” I quickly interject. O gawd, must I talk about this now????? I’m trying to escape damnit! But now I have made this unsavory statement I must explain. “…He’s not actually dead. I mean, he’s dead in my heart. Long story… Where’s that bloody bar tender?” 

She makes a wistful humming sound. I said too much. Awkward.

“So, where are you living now?” 

AT HOME OKAY! I’M BACK AT HOME!!!!! …YES – WITH MY PARENTS. DON’T. JUDGE. ME. But Gladys doesn’t bother probing further, she’s already hot on the next pressing query… the question that will have every Graduate trembling in their little skudded Converses and Parkas….

“How’s the job hunt going?”

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Arguably the most frustrating question of the decade….

“BAR TENDER!!!” I need to be pretty inebriated to answer this hideous, appauling question. Gladys eyes are fixed.

“Well the last job interview I went to required I participate in entangling myself in a human knot. Yes you heard correctly, A HUMAN KNOT… I didn’t get the job. I did however discover my left calf is slightly more elongated than my right so it wasn’t a complete waste of time, money and effort traveling all the way from Truro to London and back within the space of 24 hours. But thanks for asking.” 

Gladys is silent. Thoughtful. “Well don’t worry love. It will get better. You keep going at it.” 

I frowned. Really? That was all she had to say? I was expecting judgement, disapproval or worse disappointment. The fact was, the only person really judging me at this time was myself – ohh and the bar tender – he was looking at his watch. I hadn’t paid him yet.

 EPILOGUE

As I lay in bed that night I thought about how I should learn to be less threatened by the uncertainty of the future and accept that people ask these highly irritating questions, not because they are nosey (although they ARE!) but more because they care.

Often I think to myself: I wish they’d ask me about my life when something significant happens – when I have something monumental to report. But maybe those Question Masters in life, like Aunt Gladys, ask because they want to know about our journey as it unfolds. They want to encourage us. They want to spur us on.

Let’s not deny that SOME people only quiz us because they want to know the dirt. They want to know how we’re are failing in our love lives, careers and personal lives – because it makes them feel better about themselves. Don’t give them the satisfaction. The only questions that really matter are the ones that take you forward not back.

Nuff ramblings. Have a great week peeps!

Yaz x

Tags: humour life lessons society

Categories: Adventureland Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement Rant Yazmin Joy