Another One Bites the Dust

I had every intention of writing a heart-felt post about friendship this weekend – I’ve just spent a couple of days with three of my oldest friends laughing uncontrollably, holding hair back with puke splattering into plastic bags and plenty of embarrassing stories of pants.

But I’m afraid a positive post is not on the cards today. If you’re looking for a positive post about relationships, I suggest reading the lovely Jon’s post. It’s awesome, and sparked a bit of positivity back into my life. But for now – here is pessimism at it’s best.

I’m currently writing this at 4am, sat in bed with a knot in my stomach and puffy eyes from yet another breakup.

Four episodes of Breaking Bad and Grown Ups later, I’m still too riled to fall into a steady slumber, so I’m blog-vomiting in the hope I find some sort of peace in 500 words.

The problem, boys and girls, was that I spoke too damn soon. The words that so easily fell from my mouth at the weekend when catching up with my nearest and dearest, are well and truly forgotten. After one five minute conversation.

“You know, for the first time in a long time, everything is going well. Great job, love life is drama-free for a change and everything is running smoothly.”

How wrong I was.

That dreaded text message: “Are you around tonight? I need to talk to you about something.”

Fucking brilliant. Just when  thought I was in something steady and good.

And the radio in my car is currently bust so on my million-mile drive home from the parentals (after a delightful row with mother) I had nothing to distract myself from the endless questions.

What’ve I done?

              What’s he found out from my past?

                                Did he get a drunken phone call on Friday night from me?

Who the fuck has he been speaking to?

                                                   What the fuck has he done!?

                                                             Not another lying cheating asswipe of a man?

Eurgh.

I’m a mess, my hair resembles a lion’s mane, back-brushed and wild after going swimming and not being bothered to dry or tame it because, oh, I’m not seeing anyone I want to have sex with or that cares tonight.

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A knock on the door. Still in his work uniform – it must be fucking urgent, he usually makes an effort.

Straight upstairs.

“So, there’s this girl at work blahblahblahblah… but I’m really gutted because I really thought that we’d go all the way.”

Hold the fucking phone.

1. You’re gutted!?

Obviously not mate, or you wouldn’t be making this decision.

2. You really thought we’d go all the way?

I think that’s man-in-his-late-20s code for the whole hog, long relationship, potench marriage etc. If so, see above.

However, I still can’t lump him into my usual weirdo or asshole categories when it comes to guys. At least he came over. At least he was honest. At least he was always the gentleman.

I can’t even dislike him because he was never an ass.

I’m just fucking mad because that clichéd thing that every girl says about finally letting someone in since their last cheating scumbag of a boyfriend thing happened. You know, the one that cheated on you with your old school teacher? That shattered every ounce of trust in your body. That one.

I only just had a conversation today that went along the lines of, “Honestly, if this one doesn’t work out then I’m not sure I can handle going through all this bullshit again.”

Once again, I spoke too soon.

But it’s not just me – this week I’ve heard so many stories of confusing and messy breakups, non-breakups, bad dates and new and hurtful information about what boys did to their girls when they weren’t looking.

In this week alone, my faith in love has been obliterated by too many tears about too many boys.

But as the ever-optimist, I’m sure it won’t last. Give me a bottle of rum, my besties and all will be well with the world again.

645 words in – mood restored.

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– You can’t make this shit up.

Tags: break-ups dating life lessons rant rejection relationships

Categories: Love & Relationships