Here’s a Wild Idea: STOP SEXUALLY HARASSING WOMEN!

I remember the first time I witnessed sexual harassment.

I was 17, in a nightclub with my aunty. Hold up, hold up! I know what you’re thinking. YOU WERE WHAT!? (Yes I was a wild one!) My aunty was pretty cool (she still is, I don’t know why I’m talking about her as if she’s dead).

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So there we were getting our groove owwwn, when this drunken man came up behind her and grabbed her ass. With the agility and thunderous rapture of Thor himself, my aunty grabbed his sausage-fingered-hand, and squeezing it till he went all red in the face, said the words that remain with me to this day:

‘Don’t ever touch a woman without her permission again!’

It. Was. Brilliant.

Sex(ual Harassment) in the City

A few years ago, I was a runner for a film company in Central London. It was middle of the afternoon and I stopped by a popular Soho sandwich joint to grab some lunch.

While I was there, minding my own business, two smartly dressed business men (in their 40’s) started making ‘sexual advances’ at me. I ignored them but they persisted. They ended up asking me if I wanted to have sex with them.

Now, I know what you are thinking:

What did I do to give these men the impression they could behave that way with me? 

Was I dressed provocatively? Was I acting like a ‘slut’? Was I flirting?

Nope. Nothing.

I was in converses and jeans, eating a prawn sandwich at 2.30pm in the afternoon in one of the most ‘forward thinking’ ‘liberal’ cosmo-cities in the world. There was NO- REASON why this situation should have been happening, except for the fact that a lot of men have a shitty attitude towards women.

I’M SORRY, did the fact I am a woman give you the misguided impression that I wanted to sleep with you?

Was the fact I was younger than you, and that I was outnumbered give the impression that I was desperate, naive, a slut or that I would feel intimidated? 

Here’s an idea: how about you go and FUCK YOURSELVES.

I have had ENOUGH of sleezy men harassing women and getting away with it. Misogyny still trickles into the lives of many women on a day-to-day basis. In fact, some girls feel like it’s just something we should learn to accept and live with.

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Men, do you think that because I have boobs and a vagina, this translates: I am weak, I need a man, I use sex – because it’s the only thing I have to get what I want?

Even IF I dressed provocatively, do I deserve to be harassed by strangers off the street as if I am a piece of meat?

No. I don’t.

Here’s a craazzzy-ass idea: How about you stop SEXUALLY HARASSING WOMEN? Huh!? 

A friend told me the other week that a guy tried to take a picture of her crotch on the tube. WTF! I have yet to meet a woman who has not experienced this kind of abuse at one time or another.

Society’s Reaction

Isn’t it funny how society is the first to blame women if they attract the wrong attention. That we are somehow “asking” for it. 

This judgement often results in girls feeling:

1. Ashamed.
2. Responsible.
3. Embarrassed.
4. Isolated.

Because of this, we don’t want to talk about sexual harassment or make it seem like a big deal. We are afraid people will think we are up-tight or can’t take a joke, or it’s our fault. IT’S NOT.

But we must create community and be able to talk about this! It’s the only way, we are going to get past this nonchalance attitude towards sexual harassment.

Brave Miss World

When Miss Israel was crowned Miss World in 1998, few knew that only weeks before the pagent she had been raped. In the new documentary film Brave Miss World she tells her story.

Brave Miss World – Theatrical Trailer from Brave Miss World on Vimeo.

This woman is incredible and I hope you get behind her campaign to speak out about violence against women. #Iambrave

I have had friends who have been groped, molested and even raped – it’s real. And it breaks my heart. Rape is still a taboo and so many are afraid to speak out about it. But too many of my friends have been physically and emotionally violated for this not to be a significant and terrifying reality for me.

To the Girls: 

1. If you dress provocatively this does NOT mean you are DESERVING of sexual harassment. 

2. You can say NO at ANY point.

Even if a guy comes home with you after a night out, you CAN change your mind. It’s okay! You don’t have to have sex with someone just because you don’t want to be considered a prick tease. You are not obligated to have sex with ANYONE.

3. If you act like it’s okay, he will think it’s okay.

So don’t mislead him by not making your true feelings clear. You have a voice, use it.

4. Stop slut-shaming your fellow women.

Stop bitching about women who are ‘sexy’ and naming-and-shaming them on social media – it’s not okay and builds an un-true assumption that sexy = slutty. 

5. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable situation if you can help it.

Ideally we shouldn’t have to worry, but we live in the REAL world people. When you are drunk/alone/upset you will attract predators. Go out with people you trust who will make sure you get home safe.  

6. Women – stop under-valuing your sexuality.

It’s precious and it’s valuable.  

7. We need to raise our sons to be respectful of women.

Lead by example. 

8. This is NOT a reflection of all men.

Let’s not get carried away and turn into a crazy tribe of man-haters here, that’s not how we roll peeps! There are so many great guys out there, so don’t let the behaviour of a few, depict your attitude towards all .

There is a difference between paying someone a compliment and sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is intimidating. It can be verbal, non-verbal or physical and can be damaging. As for sleeze-balls – I sure as hell don’t want my future daughter to put up with this shit.

I’d love to know your thoughts on this so do ping them over and be encouraged to engage with this discussion.

Thanks – to my aunty for teaching me it’s okay to stand up for myself. And thank you to the AMAZING men in my life who set the bar high from the start. I know I am lucky to have you.

Have a great week peeps!

Tags: Brave Miss World sexual harassment Women

Categories: Empowerment: Man! I feel Like a Woman! Rant Yazmin Joy