On Losing Friends
I recently ruffled a few feathers that have cost me several friendships – friendships I don’t really expect to get back, and controversially, friendships I don’t really miss.
You see, to me friendships are a two-way street. Of being both supportive for each other and making time for each other. A good friendship will last across continents and months of not speaking, over disappointments and let downs. Friends understand that life is busy and you can’t always be there with your body, but that you still love them and are happy for them in every achievement.
But sometimes you need to recognise that some of your friends, you’re not really friends with any more. That the only thing you have in common with them is that you went to school together and used to neck sambuca shots at your local dive bar. You used to dance together and gossip about boys and help each other with school work back in your early teens – but your 20s change you. Your 20s are your selfish years and the years to shed those that no longer make you happy.
Now I’m by no means saying I don’t love these people, I’m not saying I wouldn’t drop everything for them if needed, I’m just saying that it’s OK that they don’t involve me in group chats any more and that I will no longer feel obliged to invite them to things I know they’re not going to come to. No more disappointments, no more bitching, just stopping to say hi if and when we bump into each other in the pub.
The thing about your 20s is that you morph into yourself with no shame and no fear. You’re an adult, you’re earning money and you finally think you know what your calling is in life. You gravitate to the people that reflect you and your passions. Those that don’t get it, those that don’t understand, those that are the polar opposite to you get pushed a little to the sideline. It’s not that you don’t like each other, but what the hell do you talk about when one of you parties harder than Andrew WK every weekend and the other stays in planning their wedding?
(Image via)
I guess what I’m trying to get at is that losing friends is a part of growing up – it’s just a lot tougher when you’re an adult. Not in a stamp-my-feet-and-tell-on-them kind of way, but in the we-had-a-lot-of-great-times-together-but-so-long-and-farewell kind of way. Kind of like a breakup, but slower and maybe a little more painful.
The older I’ve got, the more I’ve realised the people I want to spend my days and nights with. Hangovers, breakups, long lunches, nights in front of the telly and outrageous parties. They’re the ones that don’t ask, don’t tell and laugh at my mishaps so hard that they cry. In your 20s those friends morph into family, and surely there’s nothing better than having a bunch of people that surround you that don’t dilute your personality and you don’t have to censor yourself for?
– you can’t make this shit up
Tags: advice break-ups family friendship life lessons rant
Categories: Lauren Williams