April 10, 2014 - Written by: Erin Johnson

What’s Holding You Back?

There are times in our lives when Murphy’s Law seems to be in full effect, and everything that can go wrong really does go wrong. Perhaps money gets tight or you encounter constant failure. Or maybe a loved one is lost. Or a medical report comes back with terrible news. Either way, these experiences can have you questioning a lot, such as your future, your religion, or your self-worth. They can also put a dampener on your joy, and lead you into the trap of pessimism.

I know. I’ve been there.

Sure sadness and pessimism are normal during challenging times, but constant pessimism is counterproductive. It holds you back from accepting your difficulties and from progression. Ultimately, it holds you back from living your life.

So, what can you do when you’re faced with challenging circumstances, and are determined to move forward?

First, free your mind.

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The first step, which underlies everything else, is to have a proactive frame of mind. As you’ve probably heard a million times before, having the right mind-set can go a long way in helping to cope with your difficulties. This doesn’t mean feigning over-the-top positivity or punishing yourself for negative thoughts. Instead, it means believing that things can improve, and expressing gratitude for life’s positive aspects.

Recently, I read an account from Clarisse Mukashumbusho, a Rwandan Genocide survivor. At 10-years-old, she’d experienced more loss and trauma than many people several times her age. Clarisse has since gone on to achieve many things: she graduated from university, attended an arts camp in Belgium for dance, got married and moved to Canada, had a child, and is currently working on another degree. When asked how she was able to cope with her grief, Clarisse replied:

‘… I believe God helped me to focus only on the positive – on what I had rather than what I had lost. So many people were kind to me … if I kept thinking about my loss and feeling sorry for myself I wouldn’t get anywhere’.

Can you change your situation?

Next, determine whether or not you have the power to change the situation you’re facing. In many cases, there may be ways around your negative circumstances. Sure, they may take considerable time, energy, sacrifice, and courage to accomplish. But they are still within reach, as long as the effort is there.

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I often think of my maternal grandfather, who grew up in the 1920s and 30s in Mississippi, the poorest state in the US. My grandfather lived in poverty; a staple in his family’s diet was red-clay dirt, and his Christmas present was usually an orange (and if he was lucky a pair of socks). He often worked tiring twelve hour days alongside his father, slaughtering pigs with a sledgehammer. My great-grandfather earned a daily wage of $1 and my grandfather made 50 cents. He also had the pressure of being black in the Deep South under Jim Crow laws and extreme racism.

My grandfather could’ve been complacent, but instead he was determined to change his situation. He joined the Marines and served in World War II, before moving to a city with more opportunities. He then gained a skilled trade as a pipefitter, became comfortably middle-class, and eventually purchased a house. And all this occurred before the country officially outlawed race-based discrimination.

What can you achieve despite your situation?

However, not every situation is within your control. Terminal illness happens, as well as war and other highly complex events. And, in these cases, it’s easy to get discouraged and give up on life. But what can you accomplish in spite of difficult circumstances?

Last year, I came across the YouTube channel of Talia Castellano, a 13-year-old makeup guru who had been fighting multiple forms of cancer since she was 7-years-old. She could’ve been bitter about her illness and lack of a normal childhood. She also could’ve been ashamed and shut herself off from the world. Yet, instead, Talia shared her talent for doing makeup (including a fierce smoky eye). She also candidly discussed her battle with cancer, while maintaining an upbeat attitude. Sadly, Talia passed away last summer, but she managed to accomplish a great deal. Additionally, she shared a powerful lesson: you can use your challenges to inspire others.

So, what’s holding you back in life? And will you fall into the trap of pessimism or move forward?

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out ‘Mission Impossible, Made Possible‘?