I Got Played: Spotting Manipulators

I recently got friend dumped.

She was a friend of several years, who I could see being a bridesmaid at my (eventual) wedding. And although we no longer lived in the same city, we made it a point to keep in contact often.  Which was why I was surprised to get a short and sudden message from her stating that she no longer wanted to speak to me.

At first I was sad. I wondered what I did to cause an abrupt shift in our relationship? But then I looked back on our friendship, and realised that there had been red flags all along (and they weren’t entirely caused by me). In the end, our falling out confirmed what I had thought in the back of my mind for quite sometime, but had refused to acknowledge until then: my friend had been manipulative.

I soon reflected on my previous experiences of being manipulated or seeing it happen to people I knew. Then I thought:

‘Hey, what are the common types of manipulators? Maybe myself and others can learn to be aware of them, so we can keep from getting played again (and again…)?’

The Types of Manipulators:

The Perpetual Victim

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*Cues violin* Everyday is sob story day for the perpetual victim, and they love sharing their misfortunes with anyone who seems to care. At first you listen intently as they tell you about their circumstances, which end up sounding like a country-western song. You clutch your chest in shock, and think ‘This poor person! Why must life be so unfair!?’. But, soon you notice that that’s all they ever talk about — their problems. And before you know it you’ve become one of them. 

The “Can I Borrow a Fiver/Five Dollars?”

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This manipulator is probably most commonly known as ‘the user’. They’re always asking for material things, and even if they claim that they’ll only need to borrow your money/clothing/etc. briefly, good luck getting it back! While many users are blatant (like the character Jerome from one of my favourite sitcoms, Everybody Hates Chris), some are less overt. One of my relatives knew a guy who made a lot of money as a street beggar. After he was done begging for the day, he’d go back to his luxury car, put on his prosthetic legs, and drive to his decked-out house. Way to prey on people’s sympathy dude…

The Don Juan

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This smooth talker is probably a Neil Strauss fan, and spends a lot of time on Pick Up Artist websites.  And unlike your typical womaniser, he’s actually gotten really good at what he does (much to the horror of women everywhere). The Don Juan seems so genuine and caring, and makes you feel like his soul mate. But later you find out you’re one of 10 recent “soul mates”. Not including his live-in girlfriend.

The Saboteur

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The saboteur is determined to get to the top. They just have to get you out of the way first. They’re the type who sabotage your lab experiments at university or spread gossip about you around the office. Although they can be found in the classroom or workplace, saboteurs may also creep into your personal life. Like in Fatal Attraction, or Ali Larter’s character in Obsessed. But hopefully they’re not quite that ruthless.

The Authoritative

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In my opinion, the authoritative manipulator is the creepiest of them all. Like saboteurs, they want power. But they’re more powerful to begin with. These include quack doctors, shady politicians, and those mega church pastors who always get caught in scandals. They’re known for having a seemingly important job and loyal followers. And their sheeple are no joke. Just look at Isaac Chroner and his followers in Children of the Corn.

So, those are the five types of manipulators that I’ve come across (with some pop culture references thrown in). Has anybody dealt with any other types? And more importantly, do you have any tips for handling them? Please do share!

Because life’s more joyful when you’re not getting played.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Another One Bites the Dust‘?

Tags: friends Joy manipulators relationships

Categories: Erin Johnson Love & Relationships Wise up!