Tall, Sparkly Blue Eyes, Gorgeous Smile… UKIP Voter
A few weeks ago, I was gossiping with my friend Rachel, whilst she was supposed to be working. Naturally, the conversation turned to our love lives.
‘I think Daniel was hoping for some action last night’, I typed. ‘But I didn’t let him go as far as unhooking my bra; I need to know two things before he proceeds:
1. Who does he vote for; and
2. Is he religious?
I cannot date a Tory; and I cannot date a strictly religious person. Not AGAIN’.
Let’s recap.
It was election time. Being very open about my political views, I was making sure all my friends were exercising their right to vote. But like most die-hard liberals, this came with a passionate clause: anyone but UKIP. I seem to make friends with a lot of Conservatives and I love them anyway, but since UKIP were the much-ballyhooed contenders for Europe, this was something I was keen to keep out of my friendship circle. UKIP are widely regarded by the educated community as a generally horrid political party with racist, sexist and homophobic tendencies. I certainly wouldn’t choose to associate myself with anyone who endorsed their policies.
I even texted my friend Carl, a Conservative Party member who once or twice had teased me with signs of interest:
‘Oi. Please be loyal to your party today. If you vote UKIP I’ll never speak to you again!’
Carl dutifully assured me that he’d voted so, and that UKIP were a bit ‘mindless right-wing’ for his liking. As J.K. Rowling would put it, all was well.
But wait, I was forgetting someone…
Three weeks ago I’d met Daniel via Tinder. Very handsome, quite the gentleman with a good job in finance. He was softly spoken, witty, thoughtful, you name it. We had a lot in common and after date #2, I got those tell-tale butterflies. Oh yes, this could be real.
But who was he going to vote for?
This was a million-dollar question. Cue my chat with Rachel.
Politics is one of my Dating Deal Breakers. Let’s be honest, everyone has them; and this is one of only three that I hold. How someone votes tells you a lot about them. My core values have to match with my significant other’s if I’m to consider entering into a relationship with him. My political leanings are liberal and so, for the ‘Who do you usually vote for in an election?’ question, I will accept a number of left-wing answers. After all, I pride myself in being open-minded and flexible.
I am also a feminist, so if the guy isn’t willing to support my views on women’s rights, it can’t work.
This election was a great opportunity to discover where Daniel stood on the topic.
When I eventually plucked up the courage to broach the subject with him, I sensed a hesitation to tell me. A day after the election, I was met with this text:
‘I went for Tory and UKIP. How was your day?’
Boom.
That was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor. I felt physically sick. My belly was churning up a storm. I broke into a cold sweat.
He had dealt me a double blow. Tory, bang. UKIP, BANG. I asked him if he was joking. He wasn’t. He thought that ‘Farage destroyed Clegg in those debates’. I could not have disagreed more.
To cut a long story short, we argued well into the wee hours of the morning. And whilst he was trying to justify his vote for UKIP, my body and mind were telling me something – as decent as he was, I had to stop seeing Daniel.
I simply could not continue to date him, knowing that his fundamental beliefs clashed so violently with my own.
We’d had such a great time together but he had devastated me with his stupid decision. When I told Daniel I couldn’t see him any more, he was very upset and genuinely confused as to why it was such a big deal. It became apparent to me that his vote was a poor decision based on total naivety about the party; he insisted that he would never knowingly vote for an extremist party, so it must just be my opinion of UKIP.
I felt bad for judging him on what turned out to be quite a silly decision on his part and that I couldn’t give him the full benefit of the doubt. It upset me that I wasn’t ever going to see him again.
However, there was a silver lining. Above all, I’d stuck to my guns. I had been true to myself in the face of a difficult decision and there is no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing.
I deserve a future with someone who’ll share my core values so that I may love them freely without sacrificing my own ethics.
Very soon after this debacle, I swiftly started chatting to two new guys on the dating app, plus the one I had planned a date with a week ago. As my friend very neatly put it:
‘Plenty more fish in the sea… who don’t vote UKIP!’
Tinder on, ladies!
What are your Dating Deal Breakers? And what would you have done in my situation?
This guest blog was written by Shiraz Engineer.
If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Dating Etiquette: Virtual Judgement‘?
Tags: dating deal breakers Joy politics UKIP voting
Categories: Empowerment: Man! I feel Like a Woman! Wise up!
6 Comments
This is more hilarious every time I hear it, unfortunate as it was. Just goes to show, you can’t trust appearances. It’s a good lesson to learn… Maybe get into asking the two big questions on the first date? That would prevent dealbreakers emerging later on… Good on you sticking to your beliefs! Xx
While I back you 100% over doing what you feel is best for you and I agree we all have ‘dating deal breakers’ that are important & perfectly alright to have, I’m not sure I can entirely agree UKIP are an extremist party.
The BNP? For sure. The English Defence League? Yes, definitely. But UKIP? No, sorry. Yes, they go on about immigration a bit too much for my taste but immigration is a big concern that troubles a large swathe of the population. Are they extremist too?
I’m sorry but in this case, it is just your opinion. An opinion held by quite a few in the liberal world but still an opinion all the same. None of the major parties (all with a vested interest to destroy UKIP) call them extremist. The opinion polls also back this.
What they are is a reaction to the liberal elite that dominate much of politics. You can disagree with them strongly, but if you think they’re genuinely extremist than you need to actually see what true extremism is like and spend time in Iran or witness the campaigning of the Front National in France or the Golden Dawn in Greece. Farage & co are soft toys by comparison.
Also you betray an arrogance over his voting choice. Seems to me he was right to be hesitant in initially discussing it. Who wants to be attacked for making a considered choice as a rational, grown adult by some uber Liberal? Isn’t he capable of thinking for himself? We all have our biases and blind spots, and that doesn’t just include him… Voting for UKIP isn’t a “silly choice” made in error and “total naivete”. To believe that is demeaning to the millions who did so and is infantilising to the entire process of democracy.
And I say all of this as someone who proudly voted Green in the European elections and will probably do so next year too! I’d never dream of voting UKIP, but it doesn’t mean we should be so dismissive and haughtily high handed. Liberal politics is far from perfect after all.
Also, surely his job in finance hinted at such a possibility?! It’s well known the city and the financial world is predominantly the world of right leaning voters? At least in my experience anyway.
Lastly though, I couldn’t agree more though that sometimes we must make difficult choices. This is one of them. Sharing core values and similar tastes is vital to the success of relationships and even if I disagree with some of your logic, you were right to do what you did.
Hi F. Bruce,
Thank you so much for reading and contributing your thoughts! I’m so glad this has got everyone sharing their views.
I’d like to come back on a few points you made to perhaps shed some light on some things I did originally explain, but never made the final edit of my blogpost. I’ll also share why I agree with you in some ways.
Your main view is that UKIP aren’t an extremist party. This is of course up for debate, but there is much evidence to suggest that they are dangerously right-wing at the very least. I would agree that BNP, Front National and the pressure group EDL are all far worse, yes. But you mentioned that none of the three main parties had described them as extremist… even though 8 years ago, David Cameron described UKIP as ‘Fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists’ which I really don’t think he’d say about Labour or Lib Dems. You can hear his audio here:
https://audioboo.fm/boos/1079562-david-cameron-ukip-a-bunch-of-fruitcakes-loonies-and-closet-racists
I also very much doubt people would be so up in arms about political billboards as they have done with UKIP:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/ukip-posters-are-being-defaced-all-over-britain
You might draw a penis on David Cameron’s enormous forehead for laughs but people took this seriously, and for good reason. They are scaremongers and liars.
We could make ‘extremist’ comparisons all day; I’ve visited Pakistan three times, I know what it could be like. But in the context of this country, the one I live and work in, they are attracting the extremist vote. Even the founder of UKIP regrets what the party has turned into:
http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/may/26/ukip-founder-alan-sked-party-become-frankensteins-monster
Yes, the article is from the Guardian, but ask yourself this question: he’s a lecturer. Why would he lay his dignity and bad mistakes on the line if he didn’t want people to know that UKIP wasn’t supposed to be the way it is now? I encourage you to read the whole article as it does report some shockingly racist language from Nigel Farage back in the day, and we all know politicians rarely change.
Additionally, if UKIP are not extreme, why has the organisation Hope Not Hate taken them on in the same way they’re tackling the BNP and EDL? Here’s the Purple Rain blog keeping tabs on UKIP:
http://www.hopenothate.org.uk/ukip/
UKIP are also attracting the ignorant vote, which is my second point. You mention that I betray an arrogance over his voting choice but the truth is, he really did vote in ignorance. He didn’t even support their main policy which was to leave the EU, he just did it to ‘send a message’ to the government that things need to be better for Britain in Europe. Fine! Good point! But UKIP are hardly going to do that, are they? If Daniel had told me, ‘I totally back their policies to leave the EU, scrap maternity leave and close the doors on immigration’, I would’ve literally thrown up in my mouth but at least I could’ve respected him for truly supporting UKIP. But he didn’t. In my opinion, any decent person (including you and I) would’ve voted Green to do the same thing. But he chose a far-right, racist party instead. Not cool. As a proud Asian Londoner, I took it personally. I don’t meant to demean the millions of people who voted for the party, but I do mean to demean those politicians who deliberately deceive the electorate. Even UKIP spokeswoman Suzanne Evans let it slip that the party did not succeed in London because of ‘well-educated’ voters, proving that UKIP deliberately prey on the ignorant. Is this a party that deserves level pegging with the likes of Labour, Conservative and Green?
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/ukip-blames-london-election-performance-on-difficulty-appealing-to-the-educated-and-cultural-9423200.html
As I said in the post, I feel bad about all this, mainly for invading his right to a private vote and hassling him to tell me. I’m aware that it wasn’t all that fair but in the end, I just had to know. Had I gone a whole year dating him, falling in love with him and then discovering that for the general election he’d voted UKIP, the damage would’ve been far worse. I’m grateful for this year’s election and my political nosiness for saving me. As you so wisely said, liberalism isn’t perfect, and neither am I.
You’re also right when you say that, as he was a finance professional, I should’ve predicted it. And I did to an extent, but I innocently thought that the furthest he’d go would be Tory. How wrong I was…
Lastly, you did say that you’d ‘never dream of voting UKIP’. Perhaps if you pause to think of the reasons why you have such an aversion to them (one I clearly share with you), you’ll get where I was coming from.
Hopefully you can now see a bit of method to my madness and I’ve made the issue a bit clearer. Thanks again for reading! xxx
I was in a similar situation with a guy during undergrad. Right after asking me out, he also asked how open I was to dating a Conservative Catholic, since I am a Liberal Protestant. This lead to us debating on birth control (I’m for it, and unsurprisingly he was not) and homosexuality (one of my brothers is married to a man and my family is supportive, which my then potential date found a bit unsettling). We did end up going to dinner together…but strictly as friends. So I don’t blame you for asking those questions.