October 10, 2014 - Written by: Becky Solomon

Spare Me Your Opinion

You know what really annoys me? People’s opinions. Yes that may sound absolutely ridiculous and a little hypocritical as I’m offering up mine, but hear me out…

When I was younger, I was a lot more confident and hotheaded. Then things happened and I lost a bit of confidence. I started caring about probably a bit too much what people thought of me. Now I think, after having one great whack of losing my confidence, I would have been fine following my own instincts and trusting what I always wanted to do.

Why do we think people need to hear our opinions all the time? Why do we offer advice on things we don’t really know too much about?

Ok, maybe with some practical things such as advice on a mortgage are worth seeking an opinion on, and yes, I’ll always enjoy a good political debate. But for subjective life dilemmas, why is it we walk around thinking we know what is best for everyone?

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When someone confronts us with a problem, how often do we say, ‘Well I think…’. I say we, because I am very much guilty of this myself.

I have a few different groups of friends and with one group in particular, we all have so much to say that we spend a lot of time talking over each other. When I go and talk to other people, I often repeat this way of speaking. The honest ones, like my mother, will tell me off for interrupting and being rude. It’s a really bad habit of mine and one I’m now working hard to improve.

So why is offering your opinion this way so bad?

Someone told me that it can actually make people less likely to open up and share their problems if you start putting your own spin on the situation.

They also introduced me to Active Listening. They suggested letting someone talk, as much as they need to, without interrupting and without putting in, ‘well I think…/I would…’

It can take a hell of a lot of work for some people to open up, and when they do, it can be like the flood gates have opened. They will be happy to share a years worth of concerns in one go… that is, if you listen to them. And I mean listen, not, as my Nan says, ‘waiting for your turn to talk’.

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Practice Active Listening

This is where you focus on the person, disregard all other interruptions (yes, including the phone you’re glued to) and listen, without interrupting.

Hear what the other person is saying, add some polite acknowledgement but don’t put a judgement or opinion in there. I have tried this on close friends and family, who I know struggle to open up, and yes it worked incredibly well. On those occasions where I slipped back in to getting my turn in, the person shut up straight away and did not want to continue the conversation.

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Listening is key, not expressing opinions. Remember: two ears and one mouth.

If you think about it, most advice is wasted. How often do people really take it in? And can you blame them?

All I have to think is about some of the decision people around me have made for themselves, and I think, do I really need to take their advice on life decision? Other people don’t necessarily know best.

So, I don’t believe in trusting other peoples opinions too much, take it all with a pinch of salt.They’re not you, they haven’t lived your experience and everyone reacts differently to things.

As long as you have empathy and understanding for other people – go off and do your thing, do what you want, be who you want, date who you want and listen to world that world is telling you.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘The Power of Encouragement’?