December 2, 2014 - Written by: Shiraz Engineer

6 Fabulous Perks of Dating a Feminist Guy

So, ladies, after over 4 years of being single and going on numerous dates with a good number of men – some more disastrous than others (see my previous blogpost for some hilarious context) – a quite remarkable person fell into my lap unexpectedly and I am now officially attached. Joy!

My new leading man is funny, intelligent, kind, gorgeous and much more. And the rather large, very sexy cherry on top?

He is a feminist.

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When he told me this on one of our early coffee dates, my ears (and eyes) pricked up and I sat up a little straighter in my chair. I was sold.

How lucky do I feel? Very. So I wanted to put into words the reasons why I feel that Jem being a feminist has such a positive impact on our relationship and what feminist boyfriends may have in common. They obviously won’t all be the same, but these are some of the wonderful things you could expect from dating a guy who calls himself a feminist:

1. Above everything else, he will respect you.

I would argue that in any relationship, respect should come above all. There is also love and trust, of course, but I believe that respect is the glue that holds the rest together. Jem listens to what I say, he carefully considers my views and he admires my mind and my opinions even if he does not agree with all of them. At the same time, I enormously respect him back. This makes us the perfect team – equal in every way, full stop.

2. He won’t treat you like a princess; he’ll treat you like a Queen.

Because queens are far more powerful, right? My guy tells me that I am powerful and shows me every day how much he admires this part of me. He spoils me rotten, and it has taken me time to allow myself to enjoy this – I have never been treated so well by a boyfriend in my entire life – but it also prompts me to match his efforts by taking joy in treating him in return.

He feels totally comfortable with being wined and dined by his girlfriend because he is secure enough to know that relationships are always 50:50. And as we’re both spoiling each other, we’re both happy.

3. He won’t wince when you say the word ‘period’.

In fact, any lady language doesn’t faze him at all. Forget ‘time of the month’, ‘Auntie Flo is in town’, ‘the painters and decorators are in’ – say it loud and proud! Period, menstruation, vagina, birth canal… he won’t bat an eyelid. Jem has even gone one step further by replacing the casual term ‘ballsy’ with his own version – ‘labially’ – in order to combat sexist language. It hasn’t quite caught on yet but I’m supporting him all the way in his campaign.

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4. He will challenge what you think you know about feminism and help you raise your feminist voice.

My boyfriend thoroughly understands feminist issues and can therefore offer an intelligent response to a debate. Through many political discussions with him over the past 3 months, I have opened my mind to new ways of thinking about feminism. This has helped me grow as a person and in turn, I have also given Jem food for thought on some subjects. It has served us well as an informal bonding exercise that has brought us closer together.

5. He will love your body any way YOU want it to be.

Make-up? Threaded eyebrows? Shaved legs? Bikini wax? – He just doesn’t care! I could be as hairy as a sheepdog in every orifice and Jem would only complain if I were not comfortable with my decisions. He always tells me that it is my choice and mine alone what I do with my body and he is more than happy to go along with any way I choose to maintain myself. So, if I were to grow my own pair of leg-warmers, I don’t think he’d mind too much.

6. He will always fight your corner.

Let’s face it, it’s often hard getting the men in our lives to take an active part in supporting our feminist cause, but I have no doubt that if he were confronted with sexism, Jem would tackle it head on. It is a subject that gets him as angry as it makes me. So I can feel confident that wherever he goes, my guy is setting an exceptional example to the men around him who may be inspired to jump on the feminist bandwagon.

I have no idea how long this relationship is going to last. It could be 2 months, it could be 2 years, it could be for the rest of my life. But I do know that however far we go as a team, it is a joyous and liberating experience to have a feminist boyfriend and that aspect of our relationship will never change.

If you’re single and looking, don’t hesitate to put ‘feminist’ on your list of desirable qualities. Feminist men are out there. I promise you, it is well worth it – because you are worth it!

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Feminism: Why Emma Watson’s UN Speech Rocked‘?