Undateable Me?

You know those stories about good guys who date snooty girls who aren’t really interested? And we all go ‘Aghhhhhh, why??? He was so sweet – how could she not like him??’

I don’t know when I became bad at dating but it struck me the other week, as I was looking at my reflection, engaging in some lunges at the gym, Flo Rider on my iTunes and my face sweating like hell:

‘Fuck, I’ve become that snooty girl who dates perfectly nice guys and then psychoanalyses her own behaviour at the gym with a kind of superior satisfaction – like some kind of self-obsessed sick muther-fuker’.

A week earlier…

I had met *Chris at a business event in London. He was tall, cute – an entrepreneur.

But come the first date – I could feel myself judging him. I was Judy. Judge Judy.

Why is he wearing a suit on a Sunday? I heard my heart cry.Why doesn’t he like Italian food? How can he not like movies? Is he INSANE?

‘YOU DON’T COOK!? Good grief. That’s terrible!’ I exclaimed flinging my arms in dismay like a camp Nathan Lane as we strolled down Tottenham Court Road. 

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During the meal I kept checking my phone.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I’m a horrible human being. I couldn’t help it; I was thinking about work. Did I have any new emails? The Human Barbie said whaaaaaat? 

Then I went off on a rant about sexism.

In the restaurant.

‘BLOODY PATRIARCHY!’

I could see he was confused as I did it right after I ordered the fish curry. It seemed to me that maybe he thought the two were connected because of the way I had suddenly got all fired up about it with the menu still in my hand.

Afterwards, he suggested we go for a walk. In the park. After dark.

Okaaaay but what if you are a serial killer? I thought to myself. A girl’s got to be careful, right? 

I suggested we walk to the station instead, where I could swiftly alight the Piccadilly Line and go home. It was 8pm.

When we parted ways I told him I was too busy to see him the following week.

It was true. I had commitments both evenings and days, back-to-back.

By the time I had got home I had received a flurry of sad Whatsapp messages.

Instead of being happy he was messaging me I was just irritable by this crude invasion of my personal space. I mean I played along engaging with the emoji ping pong match but I didn’t really feel happy about it.

He was asking me for dinner the next day when I had already said I was busy – this kinda pissed me off. Didn’t he listen? I guess that under different circumstances it would have been romantic. Or maybe he thought I was playing hard to get? When actually I was just busy.

I had meant what I had said about seeing him the following week.

I was up for it. It was my turn to buy dinner. I had promised. But at the same time I was giving off a very potent LEAVE ME ALONE vibe. #Confusion.

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Then a message came through that stopped me in my tracks:

‘I’m just disappointed. I know what ‘I can’t see you next week’ means’.

It was only a few days later as I came face to face with my own reflection mid lunge, did I finally see myself clearly. I was the one sending mixed messages here. I was not being honest with him and I certainly wasn’t being honest with myself.

He knew the truth before I did – I wasn’t interested. He knew I wouldn’t see him again.

I spent so much time judging the man, I had failed to read my own actions, even though the message I was sending out was so clear.

If I was TRULY interested of course I would have been on my best behaviour. Of course a walk in the park would have been romantic. Of course I would have made time to catch up in the week.

Maybe I was subconsciously trying him to put him off? Maybe I just wasn’t ready for anyone to play my leading man?

I suddenly felt bad. This wasn’t the kind of girl I wanted to be. Messing good guys around. I should be encouraging them to be romantic and NOT GIVE UP ON LOVE DAMNIT! 

Maybe I should have been a nicer person, a kinder person, when I realised he was looking for glimpses of his dream girl in me while I was Googling ‘Human Barbie’ under the dinner table.

Since when did I become snooty? Since when did I become undateable? 

I should have put my phone away. I repent.

Cupid – FORGIVE ME! Don’t stop sending cute entrepreneurs my way. I’ll remind myself what it’s like to be on the receiving end of bad manners next time. I promise.

This sweet, dashing Romeo, who wears a lot of ties and doesn’t know how to cook for himself, was just looking for his Juliet-come-la-cordon-bleu-chef-dream-girl. I hope he finds her soon. He deserves her.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Does the Career Make the Man?‘

Tags: aloof dating girls relationships

Categories: Love & Relationships Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement Yazmin Joy