When My Breasts Finally Become Useful, I’m Feeding My Baby at Café Farage
I don’t know about yours, ladies and gents, but my breasts are a complete nuisance. Every day, I have to strap them up in reinforced cotton scaffolding and spend a lot of my time at work readjusting when it starts to rub and pinch in places.
Anyone who wears a bra will tell you that the most glorious feeling at the end of each day is unhooking your boob-holder and whipping it off with a flourish, releasing your mounds from their prison. Ahhh, there’s nothing like it.
The problem is, at the moment my breasts serve no purpose whatsoever. And this is just one of the reasons why I am so looking forward to having children in the future. Breastfeeding! Yes, I’ll feel like a cow, but I will finally be using the breasts I’ve had most of my life for their natural purpose. All that carrying around and strapping in will be worth it for those intimate moments with my baby. Joy!
(Image via)
However, time and time again, there are stories in the news that frustrate me. Most recently, a lady at a London restaurant was asked to place a large napkin over her child, who was breastfeeding, in order to save other patrons from feeling uncomfortable.
And who, of all people, was asked to give his opinion on this issue? None other than UKIP leader Nigel Farage who, in my opinion, is one of the slimiest and despicable politicians around. Farage was recorded last week saying that women who breastfeed ‘ostentatiously’ should ‘perhaps sit in the corner’ of whatever establishment they are frequenting.
As I harbour a special vendetta against Farage, I was furious about this and took great delight in expressing my rage over his sexism on Facebook. But one of my female friends was not so convinced that this was a big deal and asked:
‘How is it sexist?’
Well, consider this. As pointed out by our very own Ria, breasts are used to sell everything from beer to perfume. They are constantly on show in advertisements, newspapers and social media because many people, especially men, enjoy looking at them. The more exposed, the better.
Clothes stores are happy to put life-size pictures in their windows of models wearing bikinis that only just cover their nipples and no-one would dare tell them to remove those images. Why? Because it is an industry and it is making someone rich. The theory is that women will want to buy the bikini and men will want to ogle the breasts on the high street, and perhaps even convince their other halves to buy that bikini.
Where there is money to be had, it’s all a brilliant boob bonanza.
But, when a woman wants to give her child lunch (please do let me know if you feel she is being ostentatious about it in the picture below), she is requested to do so ‘discreetly’.
(Image via)
Why?
I’ll tell you why. Because there isn’t anything in it for anyone else.
Suddenly, society jumps back to the Victorian era at the sight of a breastfeeding mother. ‘Oh no, please do not do such a thing in public. I should not be forced to witness that. Go and sit in a corner and cover up your child’s head with a napkin, a tarpaulin, your skirt, anything, PLEASE! The HORROR! UGH!’
I’ve got some advice for anyone who has the above reaction – get over it.
Most women who breastfeed do so without any flesh showing whatsoever, as the very nature of breastfeeding means the baby’s mouth and head cover the nipple anyway. And, if not, it is no-one’s business but the mother’s! If she needs to feed her child she should be able to do so without the stigma of prying eyes. If you do not wish to see it, DON’T LOOK.
Thus, the issue is clearly sexist because breasts are out and about everywhere we go but somehow, using them for their pure, natural purpose makes people uncomfortable.
So it seems that the only time I will be able to put my boobs to use is the time when I will be glared at and judged for doing so. But hey, it’s understandable. How selfish of me and my baby to enjoy my breasts without sharing them.
(Image via)
And finally, onto Farage himself. How dare he label any breastfeeding woman as ‘ostentatious’ and tell them that they should sit in a corner?!
It is not his place, nor Claridge’s place, nor my place, nor anyone’s place to tell a woman where, when and how she should feed her child.
Like all feminist issues, this comes down to the power of choice and therefore Farage’s opinion IS sexist. As my friend Gio quite rightly said, ‘If Nigel Farage wants to put a blanket over tits, then why isn’t he wearing his blanket?’
Ladies, if you are breastfeeding, I urge you – no, I beg you – never to let anyone pressure you into changing your breastfeeding habits in public. Be strong in the knowledge that you have the power to reject any ‘requests’. I mean… what would they do if you refused? Manhandle you? Call the police to come and take you away? Never.
They are powerless, but you are not. Stand your ground and breastfeed your beautiful baby as ostentatiously as you see fit! And preferably outside Nigel Farage’s house.
If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Why I Need Feminism…‘?
Tags: breastfeeding Feminism Joy politics Women women's choice
Categories: Empowerment: Man! I feel Like a Woman! Rant
6 Comments
As far as I’m aware, you’re not a mother so although you do raise good points you yourself haven’t been in that situation.
I’m a proud mother of two. And when I breastfeed I choose not do so in open view. Which isn’t hard at all. Theres nothing wrong with going to a private or secluded area to breastfeed. But like all women these days we suddenly want to be offended by everything.
There was a case earlier this year of a woman feeding her baby in a swimming pool. Then had the nerve to complain when the manager asked her to do that outside of the pool! And another case where a woman took offence to changing her baby’s nappy on a train table! Seriously?
I hate to say this ladies, because you all seem like a lovely bunch, but my main problem with this aliljoy site is that you claim to spread joy but the majority of your blogs are sprinkled in feminist rhetoric. Where the underlying theme is “blame men”
Why is it when females or feminists do negative things you never post about it or call it out? Yet when a male does so you’re quick to fire up a blog and throw all men under harsh criticism.
Feminism never focuses on the injustices to men. Like equal jail sentences for men and women, nor will it fight for easier divorce settlements for men. You know why? Because those are the areas that women have it good.
Aliljoy or Alil…sexist?
Dear Tara,
Thanks for reading and taking the time to write.
aliljoy.com is a platform for girls and guys to share their personal and honest views on love, life and society. Our mission is not to just find a lil’ joy but to talk about real issues that matter to us, and, by addressing these issues, find the treasure in the trial. We acknowledge that not everyone will share the same views (see the disclosure via our About page) and we encourage discussion.
But first, let’s talk about this whole sexist thing…. It’s interesting to me that you label the site sexist, when we have made it clear that we believe in the unity of men and women when tackling issues of inequality, and social or political injustice. We have some great guys on our team (not because they are guys but because they are awesome and inspirational), have interviewed numerous men for the site and even mention on our Mission statement that we encourage guys to join our conversation. Often the articles we write are reflective and self analytical. It’s interesting that all of this escaped your attention when you chose to right us off as ‘sexist’. This is missing the point of what we’re all about.
Back to breastfeeding: Would you like to write a post about this subject from your perspective? We welcome different views and would be interesting to hear your angle on this.
Yaz x
Dear Tara,
Thanks for commenting on my blogpost. I really encourage this sort of debate on my posts so I’m happy that you decided to contribute!
In short, I think we’re actually arguing the same thing but in a different way. For example, you mention that you ‘choose not to [breastfeed] in open view’ and that ‘There’s nothing wrong with going to a private or secluded area to breastfeed.’ Absolutely spot on! You’re 100% right on that count. You may have missed the part where I stated that it is ‘not anyone’s place to tell a woman where, when and how she should feed her child.’ What I meant by this was that if a woman wants to sit in a corner and breastfeed discreetly, that’s fine. If she wants to sit in the middle of a restaurant and breastfeed, that is also fine. It is about the power of choice – you have ‘chosen’ to find somewhere private to breastfeed, and you are happy and comfortable with that. Great!
And d’you know what? When I have children, I will most likely do the same as you. I envision myself breastfeeding quite privately. However, my ultimate point is that when women do breastfeed harmlessly in public, which does not affect anyone in the slightest apart from give people something unusual to watch, they are told to change their ways, mostly by members of the opposite sex. Mothers being TOLD how and where to breastfeed is my problem, because it is up to you as a mother to decide that.
When it comes to the cases you mentioned, there is more to the story – the swimming pool breastfeeder you mention was actually sitting on a bench at the poolside whilst her other children were swimming, so that she could watch them and not interupt their play. Is that really so bad? (See the article here from the Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2719700/Mother-banned-breastfeeding-five-month-old-daughter-swimming-pool-against-no-food-drink-rules.html).
As for a mother changing her child on a train table…. that is a whole other issue, so I’m with you on that, specifically because it is highly unhygienic and spreads germs to both the baby and the other passengers. But my blogpost focussed on breastfeeding, which is not.
I do, however, disagree with your first line. Yes, admittedly I am not a mother yet, but does that mean one should automatically dismiss my opinion on an issue that involves mothers? Do I have to find myself in a certain ‘situation’ to support a woman’s right to choose how she breastfeeds? In the same vein, do I have to be a lesbian to stand up for my gay friends when they are targeted by homophobes? Must I be black to combat racism? I’m not sure this is the case. Thus, I feel I am within my rights to question Farage’s own opinion, and I stand by the fact that he has been sexist in this case for the reasons explained in my post.
Just watched this pretty awesome poem about breastfeeding by Holly McNish:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KiS8q_fifa0
Tara – I would suggest you check this out. For me it explores the potential impact on an individual’s confidence of the attitudes some people display. Also check out some of her other poems – she approaches womanhood and feminism with such positivity and pride I really think it would help you to see feminism in a different light.
Dear Shiraz,
Great post 🙂
We spoke about this just yesterday and you know we’re both aligned on this subject. However, one of your points did give me pause for thought:
“…at the moment my breasts serve no purpose whatsoever”.
Now – I think it’s unacceptable that women’s breasts have been sexualised to the point where a social stigma has seemingly latched on (ahem) to the practice of public breastfeeding. However, I would like to contend that adult, female breasts – your breasts (!) – can still serve a purpose outside of this context. My points are twofold:
1. Breasts are a good, universal signifier
In our Western society we spend a lot of our time clothed and covered up. Thankfully, breasts do a pretty good job of communicating to everyone else that the person they belong to is either an adult female (or a developing adolescent female) without the need for much additional detective work.
There are of course a host of other signifiers, including but not limited to: fashion, naming conventions, behaviour/mannerisms, vocal pitch and so on. And there is a much wider debate about sexual vs. gender identity that could be had here. But in most situations, breasts do a decent job of letting us know who we’re dealing with, often before we’ve dealt with them. Useful.
Young children and infants use these signifiers as they begin to learn about the world around them and the people in it; and discerning men and women may choose to use the above when identifying potential pals, partners and mates…which brings me on to my next point:
2. Breasts are a pretty good at getting the party going
And by ‘the party’, I mean sex. Breasts and nipples, being the fantastic erogenous zones that they are, are great at facilitating and enhancing sexual interactions. And for many, these interactions result in the birth of offspring that may, one day, go on to be…breastfed. The circle of life. (Or something like that).
Much as I dislike the over sexualisation of women’s breasts, I think it would be too far on the other end of the extreme to completely desexualise them too. In the right contexts, breasts are attractive. And that’s okay. Causing women shame and embarrassment for carrying out an instinctive, maternal act isn’t.
I do hope that one day, you bump into a respectable human being who is drawn to you, in part, due to your binate, incarcerated ‘nuisance-mounds’.
It would be a purpose well served!
Dear That Guy from The Four Thieves,
You make a couple of interesting points, and I am grateful that you have given the subject much thought.
I would probably agree with you that they are helpful to some degree with both being a universal signifier that I am female, and also in, as you put it, ‘getting the party going’ – both in theory.
However, I would argue that most of the time, breasts are used in this way to demonise, over-sexualise and discriminate against human beings who possess them. When they act as the ‘signifier’, they attract unwanted attention, like the man on the street on the way to drinks on Saturday where we met, who I yelled at for leering at me. Perhaps if I hadn’t had breasts, he wouldn’t have leered and I wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable with his behaviour. Thus, my breasts cause me more problems than they are perhaps worth at the moment. When girls start to develop breasts, that probably leads to them beginning the painful journey of having to start dealing with catcalls from as early as 12 years old. Is this a fair use of the ‘signifier’?
Why is it so important that my breasts signify that I’m a woman? Being a woman is not defined by the possession of breasts, therefore I don’t feel it’s that important. If someone wants to know if I’m a female, they need only ask… Or look at the other signs, of which you mentioned, such as hair, clothes etc. In this era where transgender people are becoming more accepted for who they are, this will soon become an irrelevant signifier, as gender is a social construct anyway.
In terms of sex – yes, they are a great erogenous zone, but the attraction that men have to breasts has evolved due to the primary function of breasts, which is to nourish babies. It is an offshoot of breastfeeding, so although I shan’t dismiss this entirely, I feel too much emphasis is placed upon breasts in this way.
And I will say this – I absolutely, positively hope that one day, a respectable human being will NOT be drawn to me in any way because of my breasts. They do not define me or my personality, or my values, all of which I hope someone will be attracted to first and foremost… That being said,I wouldn’t mind them considering my breasts a delightful bonus should the respectable human being wish to take things further.