March 13, 2015 - Written by: Becky Solomon

Reading Between The Lines

Some days I have enough problems convincing myself that I am on the right path without other people’s input. Our twenties seem to be filled with mixed emotions and a good dose of doubt. Just when I’m at the point of becoming too wrapped up in this, something will take me by surprise and I will think, I’m not doing badly at all.

That is until a blast from the past comes along to gloat about what they’re currently doing.

In fact, it wasn’t so much gloating about what they were doing, it was almost like they wanted to check up on me. I am quite cynical at times but I really do believe that this wasn’t just a, ‘hey how are you? Long time no speak’. How do I know? Because this one opened with ‘hey, I’m at the BBC doing a recording’ followed by a ‘how’s the job going?’

Riggghht. OK fair enough, maybe they were just very excited about being there and perhaps they could be actually be interested in my job. I still couldn’t help linking the two together. The person then did that for me by suggesting, ‘how about working at the BBC?’

Cheers for that. I’m sure it would be wonderful to work there but I’m not sure I have what it takes and I am steadily trying to work my experience up where I feel confident to apply for the jobs I feel really passionate about (seeing as they didn’t care to look when I had no experience). Yes, I am plodding along at my own pace but, when I don’t compare myself to others, life is pretty good.

This person proceeded to ask my questions about how they knew people in my position who had done it. What sounds like innocent encouragement was actually an incredibly patronizing statement. What they meant, was that an inferior degree like mine means you could still get a job there, compared to their far superior. I didn’t go to a Russell Group University, but I am certainly not going to undervalue my degree when I know the effort it took to bloody get it! And yet the insults didn’t stop there.

(Image via)

‘I also know someone who has travelled all over the world with their job’. Great. Good for them. That is what I would also love to do; funny you should bring that up. But, again, I thought it might be good to have a couple of year’s experiences before trying to sell my skills in other countries.

Then came the wonderfully patronizing analogy of, ‘It is sweeter to breathe the air at the top when you have climbed the ladder yourself’. Thank you for those wonderful words of wisdom, no please excuse me while I go sob into my chips and gravy and wonder about how I’ll make my rent working my minimum wage job.

The whole conversation was so damn patronizing it was laughable. But then I got angry and went to go punch some things (it’s OK, I Kickbox).

It annoyed me so much for several reasons:

1. What on earth was the person trying to prove??? I know for a fact their life isn’t all peachy perfect

2. It honestly felt like they had gone out of their way to see if I would qualify for their Ex Hall of Fame. At the time when I was with them, it felt like they had a huge amount of confidence in me. When things turned sour, I felt like he was searching for vindication that he wasn’t just going out with someone from a pretty ordinary background that might achieve pretty ordinary things.

Personally, I’m not after vindication from someone I no longer care about whether my career is on the right track.

I never told that guy what I actually wanted to do because I didn’t want his honest opinion about it; I knew what it would be. My dream meant too much to tell someone who would shit all over it. I can tell you now, if you are worried you are not meeting up to a partner’s expectations – they don’t really care about you.

I have no idea why some people will dump pity on people who don’t need it. These people are blind to all the little pleasures and accomplishments people can achieve that aren’t linked to other people’s standards.

I would like to say I ended the conversation a little more diplomatically that I did, however I think it was along the lines of a very graceful ‘piss off’.

There are people who will support you regardless of what you do. These are the people you want to make the effort to be around.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘A Week Of Cock Ups and How I Dealt With Them’?