July 21, 2015 - Written by: Katie Fanthorpe

On Being a ‘Lonely Child’

When I was younger, I mistakenly took the phrase ‘only child’ as ‘lonely child’. Thinking that the description was quite apt and made a lot of sense, I would walk up to adults and pronounce that I was, in fact, a lonely child. No wonder I got so many pitying looks.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learnt to take the advantages and disadvantages of being an only child in my stride. Unfortunately, there are a few negative stereotypes attached. We’re meant to be spoilt, lonely, and unable to share. Only one and a half of those are true for me.

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I can unashamedly admit that I’m terrible at sharing.

It’s not that I’m unable to, or even unwilling to, but it definitely has to be completely on my own terms. At school I use to begrudge people for asking for any of my food during lunchtime, although I would happily ask the same of them.

If I’m eating crisps I have been known to offer a crisp to a friend, but to hold rigidly onto the bottom of the bag so they can’t grab a proper handful. In short, Katie doesn’t share food. When it comes to other areas of life, I’d like to think I’m good at sharing, but as long as I offer first.

When I misbehaved as a child I was branded a ‘Spoilt brat’, usually after my full name was pronounced with gusto. I was terrified that I was one, and was always hyper aware that I was meant to be luckier than most children. This resulted in a strange tug of war between, ‘I want this… but only if that’s alright?’

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Not all only children are spoilt.

I was taught to appreciate everything I received, and to never ask for more than I deserved. Moving to university was still a bit of a culture shock, but I learnt quickly that I was going to have to depend on my own saving skills from then on.

Despite my innocent appraisal of myself as a ‘lonely’ child, this is a trait I can most definitely deny. My family wasn’t in any way lacking because there were only three components, and it still isn’t.

Did I wish for siblings when I was younger? Yes. Do I feel I missed anything by not having them? Not particularly. Growing up as an only child has made me who I am. I love my friends fiercely but also need time by myself every now and then.

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Being an only child has allowed me to see the real value in the friendships I have created, but it has also taught me to value myself. Without those summers of boredom I may never have discovered my love for writing and my knack for backflips on the trampoline. I may have been only, but my lack of siblings taught me how not to be lonely with just me for company.

If you enjoyed this post why not check out, ‘The ‘C’ Word: Confidence’?