What Happened to Compliments?

In an era where self worth can be measured in the amount of Facebook ‘Likes’ received on a new profile picture, real life compliments seem to be falling by the wayside.

With friends competing to see who can get the most hearts on an Instagram post, what space is there for genuine sentiments away from digital screens?

In my recent experience of socialising, limited though it may be, I found something strange happening in the trend of giving compliments: people seem reluctant to say them out loud!

It seems that social media has become our substitute for giving affection, removing the potentially awkward aspect of giving someone a compliment in person.

Now, if I have come to truly like someone I meet, I stampede his or her social media with full force. I let them know on Twitter that they are hilarious and on Instagram that they are beautiful and interesting. I look at my computer screen with heart emoji eyes, while in person I return to my British reserve: ‘Bloody warm at the moment isn’t it… well… see you later!’

Why has face to face complimenting been replaced with the click of a button? What is so excruciating about the idea of saying compliments face to face?

Perhaps it’s the added danger of coming across as awkward or creepy. If I tell the person at the cashier desk that her make-up looks really good today, will she think I’m stealthily flirting with her over a bag of carrots?

In a study of 5,000 18-24 year olds in 2013, AXA found that 63% of people would prefer a Facebook like over a face-to-face compliment. Perhaps not a staggering percentage, but still a clear sign that compliments might not be as welcome around these parts anymore.

My sneaking suspicion is that pop culture hasn’t helped the changing trend in complimenting.

In the 2004 film Mean Girls complimenting becomes something false, something bitchy.

‘Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Lea Edwards: It was my mom’s in the ’80s.

Regina: Vintage, so adorable.

Lea Edwards: Thanks.

Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I’ve ever seen’

(Image via)

Compliments may have become sullied by the connotation of bitchiness and untruthfulness. The faceless act of clicking a ‘Like’ button has just made it all a lot easier.

Despite the awkwardness that it can create, I’m still a major advocate of face-to-face complimenting. What better ways to assail people of their insecurities, and to possibly make their day, than by giving them a compliment?

I tell the barista at my nearest coffee shop that her eyeliner is kick-ass, because good eyeliner is really hard to do (no sarcasm). I let my fellow students know that their outfit really suits them and applaud them on their energy to look good in morning lectures.

Giving a compliment may seem a bit like going out on a limb, but I’ve found that now I’m not afraid to let people know they look or are great, I’ve felt better in myself as well.

Social media attention can only go so far, and it’s never a substitute for real life affection and friendliness. If complimenting has gone somewhere, lets bring it back, but we can keep clicking ‘Like’ too.

(Image via)

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out ‘The Age of the Selfie: Are we Losing Ourselves?’?

Tags: compliments girls Mean Girls social media

Categories: a little piece of joy Katie Fanthorpe Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement Rant