September 25, 2015 - Written by: Becky Solomon

How Not to Improve My Mood…

I have been in a terrible mood this week. Yes, it’s that time of the month and the PMS monster is there. Annoyance levels are multiplied by 1,000%.

So when my housemate started to follow me around the house like a lost puppy, trying in his ridiculously considerate way to find out what was wrong and how he could help, naturally nothing could have been more annoying.

My response was to bark at him, ‘I am fine… Now, why are you just stood there??? I want to be on my own!’

He is a fixer and likes to make people feel better, but this time he could not. He hadn’t done anything wrong but I couldn’t be any clearer; I wanted to be on my own and did not want to talk to anyone. I didn’t need to talk through my shitty day, I didn’t have something on my mind, I just simply and desperately needed to be on my own and not deal with any more incessant questioning.

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I was sick of questions for the following reason: when things aren’t going exactly how you planned, people are often there to share their opinion of what they think you should do. However, it’s not an opinion I want, I just need someone to listen for a small period of time.

I can’t tell you how many people have offered a solution to my current dilemmas. It’s very thoughtful and I know they are trying to help but it doesn’t always sound like that.

When I turn up and talk to people in my completely exasperated state (because I am currently digesting all my potential solutions and thinking on which one will cause me the least hassle) it’s quite annoying for them to then suggest, ‘have you thought about this?’ Things that run through my head when people offer me these solutions:

That’s very nice of you but I have thought through all the situations you’re suggesting.

I was really just making small talk because you asked how I was and offered a long-winded solution. Now I have to pretend like it’s a bigger deal than it is.

You interrupted me before I could get to the point where things resolved themselves. You see, I already did that.

I know I may sound totally unreasonable but the reasons why I don’t really like to hear people’s solutions is because it’s always easier to be on the outside looking in and to say what you would do. That outsider isn’t living it. They can say with all the confidence in the world and all the brazenness what they would do because it isn’t their reality. The, ‘well, why don’t you just say something…’ or, ‘well, why didn’t you do this’, can be spoken with a lot of confidence when that person isn’t in the situation themselves.

The words don’t carry a lot of weight, even when someone says: ‘Well, when I was going through it, I did x, y, z…’ That’s great. But your way might not work for me. Perhaps I don’t have that courage or I have other issues that aren’t as simple to tackle. What works for one person, may not work for another.

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I don’t believe you should make someone feel small about how they have acted towards a particular situation in life. What I would benefit most from at this time when it feels like the world is getting on top of me, is for someone to say, ‘you know what, let’s go out for a drink and have some fun’. That would do me the world of good, rather than for me to second-guess my actions.

When I am genuinely looking for a piece of advice on a situation, I will be asking. But for now, I just need support.

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out: ‘This Sucks. Period.‘?