Waiting for That Special Someone

My word, I am only 24 and last month I was getting the ‘So, is there anyone special in your life?’ talk from certain members of my family. I guess it doesn’t help that my older sister is getting married.

My answer was quite simply and honestly: ‘There’s nobody you need to know about, and it will be a long time until you do’.

Others quickly jumped to my defence, saying, ‘She’s too busy at the moment’. I know what they meant but I wouldn’t say that’s an excuse. My sister is also extremely busy and she’s held down a relationship for the past 7 years. But, I think what they meant is that it isn’t my priority at the moment to find someone I want to settle with – and they are right, it is absolutely not.

It doesn’t help if you have slightly older relatives who are constantly waiting for someone you can bring home, worrying that you might never find someone and that you aren’t saving half your pay check away for a mortgage.

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Genuinely, I have no desire at the moment to go through the hassle of getting a mortgage.

People seem to treat me like I’m strange or even reckless for living this way. It’s like the countdown is on until I’m 30 and I’ll be stapled the ‘career woman’ and they will talk about how it’s such a shame I missed my time for baby making and finding a man and how I will never will be able to afford a house.

I have several circumstances going against me to be able to ever afford my own house. I don’t have parents who can offer me any money to help. I don’t have a boyfriend who wants to go halves with me. I didn’t win a big cash lump sum on the lottery. Essentially, I have to be able to afford everything myself. And, if I’m honest with myself, I’m not skilled at anything, and I received pretty average grades, which lowers my chances of getting a well paid job. This means that I am working an average job, at probably a lower than average pay, due too the current climate.

However, after becoming incredibly cynical of the happily-ever-after marriage – after heartbreak and divorced parents – this is how I always imagined it would be. This is what I was prepared for it to be. This makes sense to me, to only be able to have what I can afford. If this means I can’t ever afford to own a house – so be it. I’m happy to have a rented roof over my head. I just need everyone else, who had been able to have help with their finances, to stop telling me that I’m just throwing my money away.

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Of course I am open to meeting the right person, who wouldn’t be? But for me, I don’t like to go around thinking everyone I date is going to be my long term partner.

I think you put too much pressure on fragile beginners to assume on a second date that you’ve met your future husband.

I may sound very bitter and cynical, but I am very aware that I am reaching the age where this is expected of me. I could get through 18-24 without it being an issue. I really don’t want to spend the next 5 years batting away people’s questions about mortgages and marriage.

So happy couples, new house buyers, you have been warned! When you ask me these questions, it feels just a teeny bit patronising. You may be happy with a permanent home, but don’t assume I’m not equally as happy in my rented one.

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And, if who I’m dating isn’t my future husband, I have confidence that Mr. Right might come along, but I have no idea when that will be and I’m certainly not going to sit and wait around doing nothing until he shows up. I am going to live my life as much as it can be lived, I’m going to spend my money on things I love and not on what other people think is practical.

The thing is, I have a vision of what I would like to do and I don’t want that to change. If someone had a similar vision and wanted to join me for company – then fantastic! But, whilst I never know when that could happen, I’m happy ploughing on with what makes me happy, with or without that ‘someone special’.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘9 Awkward Conundrums of Being Single at Christmas‘?

Tags: happiness Joy love marriage pressure

Categories: a little piece of joy Becky Solomon From the Heart Love & Relationships