Lost In Translation: Learning The 5 Love Languages

I have been trying to demystify the meaning of love for quite a while. I’ve written many-a-blog about the subject, searched history books (okay Wikipedia), women’s mags and Mariah Carey songs on the quest to discover what ‘love’ actually constitutes.

The other day I was standing at a bus stop. In the rain. When it hit me: All this time I’ve been asking the wrong gawd damn question!

The question shouldn’t be what is love, but rather, what the hell do you do with it once you find it? And I don’t just mean in your romantic relationships, I mean in ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

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How do you show people you love them? How do you receive love from those around you? How do you improve your relationships and make them more fulfilling?

In the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks about how different personalities express love in different ways. According to Chapman there are 5 primary languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving a Gift and Acts of Service.

So let’s break it down:

Words of Affirmation

Hey buddy, you’re doing a good job, keep going! 

If this is your love language, you feel most loved when you hear positive, affirming words from the people around you.

Quality Time

For many, it’s not so much what people say but how much time they are willing to spend with you that makes you feel the most loved. Spending the day with someone you care about, to you, is the most powerful act of love.

Physical Touch

This doesn’t have to be sexual, some people feel most loved when someone recieves a big ol’ bear hug or a pat on the back. That’s worth more to them than verbal praise or time spent together.

Receiving a Gift

I know what you’re thinking and, no, this isn’t the love language of shallow people. It’s more about the thought and meaning behind the gift. A few years ago my dad made me a birthday card. He painted the ocean and a lighthouse using water colours and it must have taken him days. I can honestly say it was the most beautiful gift I had ever received and I will treasure it forever. The memory that a gift can capture can be priceless.

Acts of Service

This is the act of doing things for other people. Maybe you’re not a big talker or a big spender, maybe hanging out is a struggle for you. Acts of service might be your love language. Cooking someone dinner, helping fix their shelves (which Ikea PROMISED would be easy!!!) or doing their food shopping (help out your nan you lazy sod).

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What’s your Love Language?

The first step, as Chapman explains, to enriching your relationships is to discover your own love language first.

How do you show love? How do you like to be loved? All of us probably express each of these love languages in varying degrees, but usually one stands out for you. If you are struggling to figure out your own love language, look at your behavior towards the people you love. 

Why is it important to understand other people’s love languages?

Because sometimes we don’t feel so loved by the world, right? If the people in our world don’t speak our love language we can end up feeling unloved or resentful. The 5 Love Languages was originally written for marriage counselling, but understanding how to show love is important for all relationships.

When I was a teen, I knew my Dad loved me, like, IN MY MIND, but in reality, there were times growing up that I questioned his love for me.

You see, my primary love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. When I was a kid my dad was often busy working and so we didn’t spend much time together or get time to talk.

What I didn’t discover until years later was that one of the ways my Dad expressed his love was Acts of Service. He would always go out of his way to do things for me. He would never ask for anything in return, never point out the things he did or keep a record. He just got on with it. At that time, this was how he showed love. 

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When it comes to love languages, you need to be aware of how the other person shows love and speak their language, and vice versa.

‘Evidence of genuine love includes speaking each other’s primary love language consistently’.
Gary Chapman

If you want to find out more about the 5 Love Languages and what your primary love language is, you can take a super fun quiz on Gary Chapman’s website.

So what is love? I haven’t the foggiest. But if you feel that tingle, that protectiveness, that real, deep (sometimes totally inconvenient) love for the people in your world, do them and yourself a favour – SHOW THEM in a way they understand. Don’t get lost in translation.

Have a great week peeps!

x

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out ‘Book Boyfriends’? 

Tags: 5 Love Languages Garry Chapman Joy love relationships

Categories: Love & Relationships Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement