February 8, 2013 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

The Potential New Boyfriend Equation: You Do the Maths

“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

Sick of chumps putting you in the dumps? Tired of Mr Deal-Breaker turning into Mr Heart- Breaker?

You see, it all started when I went for coffee with one of my girlfriends. The conversation went a little like this.

‘So there I was minding my own business, drinking a nice glass of wine when when he came along out of nowhere and ruined my life.’

My friend’s words hit a chord and got me thinking: isn’t that just the way this dating ball rolls nowadays?

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One minute you’re happy getting your groove owwn to some sick beats at your local discotheque, the next your crying down the phone to your mum wishing you’d never bought those silk sheets.

Dating is all about figuring out whether you and the other person are compatible right!? But how do you know when you’re on the right tracks and not heading down the demon drop? I mean, what are the truly important qualities to look out for? How far are you willing to go in giving someone the benefit of the doubt before you turn around and say ‘hey hey hey back up Mr. That’s not how I roll’?

Weeks later I was mindlessly meandering around the supermarket looking at different kinds of ham in my pajama bottoms when I realized I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!! I can’t keep entering a relationship a happy and confident person and then leaving it a walking car crash, only to rebuild myself and then end up embarking on the whole sodding process all over again.

I was totting up the estimated total in my shopping basket when it occurred to me, in a maths equation you can only get a right or wrong answer, yes? If only relationships were that simple. And then the idea fell upon me like a ripe rosy apple from the tree of good- sense. KAPLONK!

It’s all all down to the maths! When confronted with a Potential New Boyfriend you gotta ask yourself: is everything adding up as it should?

There is something I would like to share with you my reader-friend, a little formula I have come to know as;

THE POTENTIAL NEW BOYFRIEND EQUATION

CH3 + X-Factor = POTENTIAL NEW BOYFRIEND

Okay looks a bit complicated but hear me out….

Let me introduce you to the CH3 aka the C TRIPLE H.
CONFIDENCE, HUMILITY, HUMOUR and HEART. (Intelligence is kind of a given.)

Confidence

Confidence doesn’t mean being the life and soul of the of the party or walking around with your shirt off on a hot day. By confidence I’m thinking more along the lines of self-worth. Someone who is secure in who he is. Strives for independence, financial or other. A fella who thinks for himself, you know!? No scrubs please.

Humility

Humility is about being humble and respectful to the people in his life. Its about outward thinking.

Humour

Doesn’t every girl just want a guy she can laugh with? Gotta love some banter.

Heart

A dude who shows compassion, generosity, kindness… Having a heart doesn’t mean being a push over…. it’s a strength not a weakness.

The C Triple H are general but vital qualities that are the building blocks of a strong and healthy relationship. Why? Because these are the attributes that I wanna party with, go on holiday with, grow old with…. these are the qualities I r-e-s-p-e-c-t (and yes I did do an Aretha on y’all).

The X Factor

Now, as well as the C Triple H a Potential New Boyfriend also needs the X-Factor. And I’m not talking about singing in tight leather trousers on national television. The X Factor is the sizzling chemistry… the bubbling biology… the magnetism… the sexuaaal allure.. that je ne se quoi…

Without the X-Factor the C Triple H is redundant. And that’s it! Simple.

This isn’t locate-the-ideal-man Equation. No-one’s perfect after all. Instead the point of The Potential New Boyfriend Equation is to help remind us of the basic values to look out for when dating someone new. It’s about raising the standards. It was also devised to help one distinguish who is NOT a good Potential Boyfriend, so one does not procrastinate with life and wake up one morning with sticky pop tart pieces stuck in one’s hair along a massive hangover, wondering where the past 6 months of my, er I mean ‘one’s’, life has gone. Life’s too short after all.

In the words of Madonna: ‘Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test…’