May 13, 2013 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

Prowlers Part II: I Don’t Want Your Man!

So I previously wrote a blog about Prowlers (click here to read part one). Just to recap, I defined a ‘Prowler’ as a person who has their sights set on your partner.

This week I am going to talk about what to do if YOU are MISTAKEN for a Prowler.

Now nobody likes being disliked. I certainly don’t. In fact, if someone doesn’t like me I take it quite personally. Why don’t they like me? WHYYYY??

Photo via tbs.com

So here’s a scenario:

A friend of mine, let’s call her Ruth, lives with a dude whose girlfriend hates her. At first Ruth just thought she was being paranoid.

The girlfriend would stop talking every time Ruth would enter the room, shoot her evils when Ruth spoke to her boyfriend and would not even engage in casual conversation. In these early days it became so intense that the boyfriend/housemate even stopped speaking to Ruth when his beaux was around. And Ruth confessed it was making her feel increasingly uncomfortable.

One ordinary Thursday night, Ruth and I began to ponder over this rather peculiar behaviour whilst we stirred risotto together over a gas hob.

‘Maybe she’s shy…’ I suggested. ‘Maybe she’s intimidated by your charm and charisma?’

All of a sudden the girlfriend in question entered in an icy breeze of disdain. At the sight of Ruth her face turned to stone, mouth tightened, eyes squinted. Dum dum dum!

‘Hi,’ said Ruth, as earnestly as she could muster.

There was no answer. Only a look of death.

‘Yeah, she definitely hates your guts.’ I said, as we tucked into our melty, cheesy, ricey concoction half an hour later.

‘Yeah, you’re telling me!?’ She sighed.

Why was the girlfriend acting this way?

Now I have come to the conclusion that it’s because she thinks that my friend is trying to steal her boyfriend. What a bizzare concept? My friend steal her boyfriend? I’ve seen her boyfriend. Nice guy. Not my friend’s type at all. I have met him numerous times and I can honestly say, there is more chemistry between Ruth and a elastic band than with this guy. Trust me.

Why are so many girls in relationships threatened by single chicks?

Now I have been in this situation before and I wanna say: just because I am single doesn’t mean I am unhappy, lonely or craving attention. You can definitely be all three of these things when you are in a relationship. Being single has nothing to do with it.

And on another note: what makes you think I would want YOUR boyfriend. Do I not deserve a man all to myself? Give me some credit.

So how do you diffuse a situation like this?

I would advise not take it personally. If someone treats you like a Prowler the trick is to remain unmoved. Stand your ground sister!

There’s a saying:

‘you can only clean up you’re side of the street…’

And I think this concept works really well if you are wrongly mistaken as a Prowler. The point is, the accuser doesn’t trust you around her man because she sees you as a threat. This is not your problem. The only thing which is going to eliminate this green eyed monster is time. And that’s her time, not yours.

Eventually, she (or he) will get over it.

A few weeks later, the girlfriend and Ruth found themselves sharing kitchen space together. Their eyes met over the counter as they both chopped vegetables, and for the first time they smiled at each other. There it was, mutual bonding over a chopping board. How romantic. And that was it, the tension dissipated. Capiche.

In other cases, you may never be accepted, but at the end of the day that is not in your control. I guess Ruth’s story taught me that in life sometimes people are going to misjudge your intensions. All you can do it pick up your broom and sweep your side of the concrete.