My Journey, For My Daughter

I’m not someone who has ever had a set plan; I have dreams and aspirations but I’ve learnt that there is so much you cannot plan for and, as you change and develop as a person, the things you want from life also change.

This month, I want to share something with you all. I hope you find encouragement from it. There have been times in my life when I didn’t know where I was headed or what I wanted to do…

My Story

At 19 I fell pregnant; I was working a low paid summer job, after failing my A-levels due to having far too much ‘fun’. It seemed I was on a path to self-destruction, calling myself a free spirit in order to avoid dealing with the realities of life.

But suddenly, there I was, with a baby on the way. I knew I had to make a choice: was I going to carry on flitting about in life or was I going to settle down and try to make something of myself?

‘I wanted more for my daughter’.

My daughter’s father was about when it suited him; but I knew it was a dead-end relationship. At the time of giving birth, I lived in a tiny flat. My daughter had the only bedroom and I slept in the living area; three steps and I could reach the kitchen – which was so small it couldn’t accommodate a door – and next to that a small bathroom. This was to be my life for the next 2 years.

I took to motherhood quite well; the party lifestyle was never really me and I didn’t find the transition too tough. But, I knew I wanted more for my daughter.

Turning Point

I enrolled on a course at college and trained to be a teaching assistant. It wasn’t the best of jobs but at least it got me out of the house; and I found I enjoyed working with young people. With further qualifications under my belt, I decided to apply for university. I got in!

Three years later, I was living in a rundown cottage, riddled with damp and without heating; the paint peeled off the walls and it would take a week for clothes to dry on the airer. I used to wrap my little girl up in 3 layers every night and we would wear so many pairs of socks that we struggled to get our shoes on. It wasn’t easy. I worked two jobs and was doing a full time degree; I hardly saw my daughter and hated relying on nursery.

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We would get up at 6am, most mornings, and return home 12 hours later, both tired and hungry; the slow cooker was a godsend at the time. I felt stuck between worlds, I didn’t have time to mingle with many other mums and, at university, I enjoyed being with my peers, although I felt set apart at times.

Working was an advantage to me though; I had begun building up a career in support work without even realising it: I worked with troubled young people, adults with learning difficulties and within the foster care system. Yet, despite my degree, my passion was for media and writing. I felt trapped. It took years to complete by degree and I missed out on so much of my daughter’s life that I’m not sure I will ever feel I have done enough for her.

Now

I’m now nearly 28, and last year I finally placed my First Class Honours degree certificate on the desk of my own home office. I’m married to a wonderful man, who makes me laugh so hard that, now I’m pregnant with our second child together, I’m pretty sure my bladder can’t cope. I work from home, combining my passion and my skills: I’m a parenting supporter for netmums.com and I write and blog about my experiences as a mother. It seems that the hardships I have faced have all led me to this point in my life.

Please be encouraged guys! Sometimes it can feel like we’re only just holding on and that the hardships we face are pointless; but without these experiences, we will never realise our potential, never grow as women and we will certainly never know what magical things can happen if we persevere and stay strong. 

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If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Mom Knows Best: Things Will Turn Out Better Than Planned‘?

Tags: daughter inspiration Joy life lessons teen pregnancy university

Categories: Emily Macdonald From the Heart Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement