July 14, 2014 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

‘Real Women Have Curves’ and Other Dumb-Ass Things People say About Beauty

Stop the Beauty Madness Campaign has got us talking about beauty, and what it really means to be b-e-autiful.

I don’t know about you but in my world – the people around me often have a lot of opinions on what’s beautiful. But can we take it a tad too far?

Real Women Have Curves

A few months ago I was sitting in a coffee shop minding my own business. As I looked out the window a slender women passed. The woman sitting next to me with her friend suddenly exclaimed with great distaste: ‘Ugghhhh. Honestly, real women have curves’.

I pondered to myself. Really? Do they?!?! Yes SOME real women have curves. But not all women.

Now I get what the girl was trying to say. She was trying to give her friend (who was curvy) confidence by suggesting her body-type was more womanly than this naturally slim girl.

I get the sentiment and understand the need to subvert beauty conventions by celebrating other body types. But bitchin’ about other women? Really!? Is that what this has turned into?

Pointing out why someone else is NOT attractive to make yourself feel MORE attractive is the LEAST attractive thing in the world.

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Newsflash: There are no real/non-real women.

There are only women. And we come in all shapes and bra-sizes. Some are apples, some are pears, some are courgettes but there are no real and non-real women in the building.

We can tell ourselves skinny girls in Vogue don’t have a real woman’s body. But they are women. And they have bodies. I acknowledge that there are problems with diversity in the media. BIG problems. But is this a healthy approach for us in our everyday world?

The Vagenda’s response to the #LikeaGirl campaign went:

‘Half of the older actresses are plastered in makeup and look like they haven’t eaten a cake since 1986.’

Again, I get it. Let’s show real people. Let’s champion diversity. YES! But ridiculing the models? Really. Is that how we deal with this?

Don’t even get me started on dumb-ass statements such as: ‘blondes have more fun’, ‘brunettes are more intelligent’ and ‘red heads are fiery’.

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Pardon monsieur. What does your hair colour have to do with your personality???

Society often teaches us our looks define our character. Maybe this is true to some degree, because we subliminally try and live up to society’s expectations. But isn’t this the part of the picture we need to subvert?

If you want to change your hair colour – awesome! Do it. But it doesn’t define you.

How you feel about you defines you.

I don’t actually think these preposterous statements that confine beauty into archiac character tropes actually do anything other than breed more contempt, resentment, hate, aggression and paranoia between women.

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The world is shafting us ladies.

Instead of focusing on anchoring ourselves and our children in our own beauty and self-worth, many of us (and I confess I have been such a person) end up just bitching about the types of beauty in which we see ourselves lacking.

This doesn’t help the situation. This doesn’t liberate REAL women. This just degrades all of us.

The C-Word

The trouble with beauty is often the big C word. Comparison. The media creates images that we, in the ordinary world, can’t help but compare to ourselves and our own bodies to.

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ – Theodore Roosevelt.

When it comes to looks, comparison doesn’t bring peace, it doesn’t nurture security, it doesn’t generate self-worth. Instead, comparison breeds insecurity. I know it’s impossible to avoid sometimes but, whether you are a conventional beauty or not, comparison will drive you fucking mental if that’s how you measure your own beauty.

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Can everyone be beautiful?

Nathan Biberdof says that not everyone can be beautiful. And he’s right, not everyone can. Beauty is something that grows. Artificial beauty deteriorates before your eyes very quickly when a person is horrid and convoluted.

We all have those ‘aggghhhh I hate my face days’ – but that’s okay. We have all been there. You can not change your body, you can’t change your face. (Okay, you can with surgery, but that’s another topic.) You either learn to live to love your own beauty or hate yourself.