September 26, 2014 - Written by: Becky Solomon

London Commuters and the Conundrum of Consideration

I can’t help it. I’m a considerate person okay! My absolute pet peeve is when someone dumps their stuff on an empty seat next to them on a full train or bus. I can’t begin to tell you how much this winds me up.

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I once saw I man put his laptop bag on the seat next to him whilst an elderly couple got onto the bus as well as a woman with two young children and a pram. I stared daggers at him until he begrudgingly shifted his things.

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I don’t understand it, why some people think there laptops and bags are more deserving of a seat that a human being. Or those who just seem to be a bit funny about having another person sit next to them, so that when you lower yourself into your seat you can see them flinch slightly and shuffle away from you. Aaah the joys of commuting!

I like people to be nice; I love people to show courtesy.

Nothing makes my day like someone showing a small gesture of courtesy, such as helping you get your bike off the worlds hardest bike rack, or opening a door for you when you’re carrying 6 bags. They will make me feel warm and fuzzy for the rest of the day.

Sadly I feel like you see these less and less.

Part of me wonders whether it’s because men might feel like they’ll offend a woman by asking her if she wants a seat…

(in case you’re wondering, you certainly won’t offend me, courtesy if courtesy – not sexism.)

And it It works both ways!

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I acknowledge that I am still a healthy young woman who is capable of standing, so I offer my seat when I see someone looking a bit flustered, I hold doors open, I will help people who look like they are struggling, because I know it means so much to me when someone offers me their help. If they don’t need it – fine, I will carry on my day.

I feel dumb for offering to help someone else…

So the other day, I saw a man struggling to manoeuvre his pram up some steps. Hoards of commuters shuffled around him whilst he pulled it up slowly, step by step. As a couple held hands and climbed up behind him, looking like they were annoyed for hold up, I slid past them and asked if he wanted a hand.

He was so grateful, he didn’t stop saying thank you and told me I was a sweet heart!

But afterward as, instead of feeling warm and fuzzy, I felt royally embarrassed! Why???

I wasn’t even sure why – I felt like I had almost done something wrong, or maybe I had missed the reason as to why no one else was helping.

I thought I had just drawn all eyes on me and cynical commuters judging me for being a do-gooder. I wanted to hide myself away!

Why had no one else helped? Had I missed something? Were they too busy?

Or was it because he was a man struggling and not a woman? I think it’s because, like me, they find it a little embarrassing.

I mean what happens if the person gets offended? Surely you only help struggling pregnant woman or old ladies nowadays? It’s possible the person might think you’re accusing them of being weak or old?

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Well I can tell you now, I consider myself I reasonably strong woman and it didn’t harm one bit of my pride to have a man who was taller than me, help me pull my bike off the world worst bike rack.