Amanda Seales nailed it. But do guys actually understand the problem with catcalling?
Post the Hollaback! viral video, the discussion over catcalling has blown up.
The message is clear: women don’t like to be catcalled.
But the for some dudes, the concept that girls don’t actually like to be objectified is a bit of a head-scratcher.
What’s wrong with a compliment? They say. This ‘feminism’ shit is just a bunch of angry women. They say.
One such man is Steve Santagati, who suggested on a live segment on CNN on Sunday that if women don’t like catcalling they shouldn’t live in the city.
‘No-one’s holding a gun to your head telling you you have to live in New York City’.
Steve Santagati
Suggesting that the problem isn’t with the catcallers. The problem isn’t with the men or the sexism or the pay gap… the problem is with all these bloody women moaning about it – if bitches don’t like it get out of the city.
‘There is nothing more than a women likes to hear is how pretty she is…’ Steve Santagati
The author of The MANual and new book Code of Honor, ironically doesn’t seem to understand what honor is. Or what sexism is. Or what communication is. He doesn’t understand women and I don’t really think he understands what being a man is. He just happens to be a man. And have a penis and live in a fluffy parallel universe where everyone kisses his arse.
He shows no desire to address this very serious social problem and find resolution.
Cue total badass comedian – Amanda Seales who nailed it in her response addressing the problem head on:
‘You as a man should be embracing to the fact that women are saying: hey we don’t like this, not arguing why we shouldn’t…’
Amanda Seales
And there it is: women are not speaking in code or asking you to read between the lines, we are saying we don’t like it because WE WANT IT TO STOP.
‘If women don’t like it and we are demonstrating that, then you as a man… should be saying well let’s discuss how we can make you feel more comfortable’.
Amanda Seales
Amen Amanda.
This is not Men v Women. This is about identifying a serious problem in society and changing attitudes.
I don’t know about you, but the world right now… it’s all getting a bit too The Handmaid’s Tale for my liking.
The problem with Santagati’s reaction was that it echoed a grumbling that I have heard from quite a few guys on my social media this week in response to the Hollaback! video. (Just want to note I recognise that NOT all men share the perspective.)
Regardless on how it was filmed and what it was filmed for, the original viral showed a very real daily reality for many women – if you get caught up in all the fine print you are missing the bigger, wider issue here.
The difference between catcalling and complimenting someone is all down to one thing: how you make a person feel.
It’s not rocket science. It’s just common sense.
Or maybe we girls should all follow Steve Santagati’s advice and all carry guns? Guys I’d love to hear your angle on this.
Here’s the full segment if you’d like to watch:
If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Of Mountains and Men’?
Tags: Amanda Seales CNN Hollaback! Steve Santagati
Categories: Empowerment: Man! I feel Like a Woman! Fire me up baby! Rant Yazmin Joy
5 Comments
I agree with what she’s saying, but IMO this is the part that makes the argument fall on its head.
‘The difference between catcalling and complimenting someone is all down to one thing: how you make a person feel.’
Yes of course some of the men in that video were being creepy. But lets focus on the men that wished her well. Like the men that said ‘Have a nice day’ etc.
Do you really deem that harassment? Surely a comment or a compliment like some of the ones in that video had the intention of making her feel ‘good’
Lets say you walk past a guy in oxford street. He finds you attractive, there was something about you he really liked. Whats the best way for him to approach you and be authentic in his desire to get to know you, without being deemed a harasser?
Dear DS,
Thank you so much for commenting. I agree that it’s a rather blasé way of distinguishing between catcalling and being complimentary, I’ll try and explain my POV further…
It’s hard for genuinely decent guys to approach girls, and I totally appreciate this.
Catcalling comes out of an intrinsic attitude of objectifying women. Guys who catcall, from my personal experience, want to get a girls attention not because they want to get to know them and spend time with them – but because they want to have sex with them – which can make women FEEL a) self-conscious b) vulnerable c) that the guy isn’t interested in her as a human being but in her body – which he wants to use and then dispose off. Baring in mind guys who catcall do it to multiple women.
When a guy makes a comment on the physical appearance of a woman they do not know on the street when she is busy going about her ordinary day – you need to consider the context:
Girls get catcalled all the time, often they are followed, harassed, called names and even groped, and in worse cases attacked. This is a regular occurrence in places like London and NYC. So a guy existing in today’s society needs to be aware that many girls feel uncomfortable with a guy they don’t know approaching them in the street – especially when the first thing they say is a comment on their appearance making them FEEL uncomfortable.
Catcalling is product of a negative attitude towards women (an objectification) = making a woman FEEL uncomfortable.
So how does a guy approach a women on say Oxford street who he GENUINELY wants to get to know? The aim is to make her FEEL un-objectified and show that you are not interested in just sex. A few tips:
Say hi and introduce yourself.
Try and strike a conversation based on something you might share -i.e. if you are waiting in a cafe – you might ask ‘have you been here before? Any recommendations.’
If you are literally walking up to her in the street because she MIGHT BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE – Be honest and authentic – eg. ‘I know this might be a bit weird me approaching you like this… but I wanted to say – you looked really beautiful today. ‘ – some girls might disagree with me but I personally I don’t think a compliment is a negative thing if it is said with grace.
Ask her what she does and take an interest in her response (you should be interested in her response – because sex isn’t the objective.)
Remember eye contact instead of looking at her tits/ass/legs or any other part of the body.
Judging by her reaction… If she’s not interested – hey love is risk! If she IS engaging with you…
Why not ask her for coffee? If she says no, no biggie, she wasn’t the right one for you, graciously say it was lovely to meet you and hope you have a nice day. Don’t get offended.
I hope this makes sense. Again this is my angle – other girls might not agree! In fact what would other girls advise? Again open to comments…
I agree wholeheartedly about how it makes women FEEL. I tried to explain to someone that it is the person receiving the action/comment that gets to decide how it makes them feel, not the person on the giving end.
Men can say “I didn’t mean it that way” or “you should take it as a compliment” all day long, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s not their place to decide. It’s the women and how they interpret it. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.
Thanks for commenting Nakita! Great to hear your angle on this.
I feel that how a guy makes a girl feel is based on two things – firstly it’s the way in which the guy approaches a women, and secondly how a woman interprets this behaviour.
It’s not down to words but attitude – and I think this is where guys get confused. If a guy comes up to us – looks at our bodies and says: ‘beautiful’ – his intention is just to use and objectify for his own satisfaction or agenda.
But if that person has an intention of meeting and connecting with you because they genuinely would like to get to know you better the vibe is very different.
You’re right – if someone makes me feel uncomfortable – then no-one should argue that I shouldn’t feel that way! They should be thinking ‘how can I adapt my behaviour so I (a guy) don’t make women feel vulnerable or uncomfortable’. 🙂