February 23, 2015 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

I’m Sorry You Rode Into Me. Asshole.

The other day I was walking along the street on my way to the station in broad daylight when suddenly, from out of nowhere, this geezer on a bicycle rides INTO ME.

Stop right there. Already this statement has flagged two components that, quite frankly, piss me off: rude people and cyclists.

Okay it wasn’t quite a head on collision but let’s just say he clipped my handbag with his handle bar, and me being completely unaware and taken by surprise, jumped about a foot. ‘Oh sorry!’ I spluttered. He didn’t even bother turning round to see if I was okay. Instead, he raised his hand like I was some kind of village peasant and he was a bloody monarch.

Then it struck me: why the hell was I apologising???

I’m NOT SORRY! He almost rode into ME. I was completely unarmed with my Oyster card in one hand and a packet of Rolos in the other. I was like Forrest Gump when he gets chased by those bike bullies. Except there was only one cyclist and he wasn’t chasing me, he was trying to get past me – but so whaaaaaat. I still felt victimised. (Side note: I’m pretty sure Forrest Gump is responsible for my intense dislike for cyclists).

(Image via)

Then I realised, I do this all the time. Especially on public transport. Someone boots me with their suitcase and I’m apologising. Someone spills their HOT drink on me because they are too busy texting on their phone to see where they going and I’m the one asking for forgiveness. WHY???

Why do I always apologise for things that I clearly don’t need to apologise for?

Is it because I’m weak? Is it because I am British? It is, isn’t it! If I was American I would have probably yelled out, waving my fist in the air: ‘Hey asshole, watch where you’re driving that thing!‘ Instead: weak, pathetic, feeble ‘sorry’. I’m sorry I was in your way. I’m sorry I was walking. I’m sorry I exist. Oh geeze, I felt like giving myself a slap. Grow some balls, man.

So this is my resolution. I am going to go forth and say what I mean. Or rather I am not going to say what I don’t mean. No longer will I apologise for people ramming, driving, spilling, pushing, barging INTO ME. I’m not sayin’ I’m going to pick a fight with strangers or start up a riot because some numpty walks into me. That’s stupid. But I am going to stand my ground. I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do when an incident like this happens again – I haven’t thought that far ahead. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…

I’m waiting for you geezer-on-the-bike. I’m waiting for you. *evil cackle*

Nuff musings. Have a great week peeps.

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out ‘Argh! Why am I so Awkward?’