Shoot Me, I’m Single

The other day I realised I was single.

There I was, trawling through the supermarket when I approached the chilled dessert aisle. And that’s when I saw it. “Love Tub” I read aloud. “Neat!” – I exclaimed. A chocolate pudding pot for one! Oh. A chocolate pudding pot for one? A chocolate pudding pot for one. The more I said it to myself the more it struck me: I’m single? I’m single. Holy fuck. 

I mean I knew I was ‘not in a relationship’ but it actually hit me, looking at this pudding pot, but this was the first time in a long time that I actually felt ‘single’.

I felt angry. How could this pudding pot do this to me? 

I bought it.

I could see it now. The chumps in some corporate food hive in some clinical industrial estate in Reading, sitting around a glass boardroom table discussing what pudding consuming mass market they could exploit. Now who would buy a pudding for one? Single people! Which in my view is utterly ridiculous because, if anything, single people should be encouraged to be less fat because  it improves their chance of survival in the wild. Let’s call it ‘Love Tub’. Single people would find it hilarious – or tragically ironic(?). 

I tried to rationalise… There are plenty of things that are great and single. Single glazing… single cream – you can have twice as much. Pahhh, who am I kidding. Single cream sucks.

(Image via)

In society things that are ‘single’ often don’t feel enough. They are viewed as lacking in some way. Same with the way society sees single people. No one goes: ‘Hey you’re single? Hi-five!’

Society doesn’t get single people. They want to make us fat and hide us away, only to bring us out at weddings and high school reunions and then whisper about how we ate Sainsburys’ out of Love Tubs.

Going back home to the countryside when you are single is a hoot because everyone else you grew up with is suddenly settling down.

A few weeks ago I was having dinner with a couple of old girlfriends.

“I can’t wait to have babies.” 

Anyone who comes from a small town knows that people procreate quicker in the country. It’s science.

“I know what you mean, I just want to get married now…”

Then they both looked over at me. I made an umming sound and nodded my head nonchalantly stuffing my face with more cod and dauphinoise. Silence.

“I don’t think I want that right now.” I finally said. “You see, I haven’t met anyone I like that much.”

Oh gawd. Shock horror.

“Well that’s okay.” I wasn’t quite sure why I was suddenly being pitied. I knew it was okay. But did they?

Now I know I might be going all Miranda SATC on you but hold on there chauvinists.

When did I stop being enough? 

Being single at 14 is socially acceptable. As soon as you hit 16 the pressure is on. Till you die!

Now don’t get me wrong. Love it beautiful. And damnit I BELIEVE IN LOVE! But being IN-LOVE and being in a RELATIONSHIP is NOT THE SAME. Being in a RELATIONSHIP and being COMPLETE is NOT THE SAME. AND being SINGLE and being LONELY is NOT THE SAME.

My cousin called me a few months back. A guy had broken her heart. “Oh gaawwwd. I’m going to die aloneee!”

I felt like giving her a slap: Shut the fuck up. You’re seventeen!

Of course I didn’t say that exactly, instead I told her the truth. She would definitely find love and that things would get better. I also pointed her towards my Man-Tox: Ten Step Break-Up Recovery Plan.

I wish I’d said something more profound at the time… but hey, I’m doing it now.

Being single in your adult life is the chance you get to really know yourself. And if you don’t embrace that then you risk losing love when you do find it because you have nothing to offer.

In the Dictionary the noun for ‘single’ is described:

An Individual person or thing rather than a part, a pair or a group.

Now let me ask you: Are you a part? Or are you an individual?

Society should stop judging single women. Women should stop judging single women.

I’m not bashing love. Everybody wants love. EVERYBODY. Even my 9 month old Doberman wants love. But real, uncompromising, relentless, stupidly mushy, bonafide LOVE isn’t common. You can’t order it off Amazon. You can’t buy it in the chilled dessert aisle of the supermarket. It will always hit you when you least expect it, at the most inconvenient time. And it never waits around. You’ve gotta fight for it. You don’t wanna be stuck with Mr Deadbeat when Mr Hotstuff comes along.

If you are single and society is making you feel crap about it remind yourself:

I am enough. 

Why? Because the damn dictionary says so!

So singletons (and non-singletons) I encourage you to fall in love! And fall hard, BUT, in the wise words of Carrie Bradshaw, do yourself a favour and “don’t forget to fall in-love with yourself first.”

Have a great week peeps!

Yaz x

Tags: advice Being Single Carrie Bradshaw dating relationships

Categories: Empowerment: Man! I feel Like a Woman! Love & Relationships Yazmin Joy