Location: Freedom

Yesterday evening I was sat in my car, I won’t tell you the context of the situation, but I will tell you I was distressed. In fact the whole drive home was accompanied with a long and emotional monologue.

‘I’m trapped.’ I repeated to myself ‘I’m trapped and I don’t know what to do. I just don’t.’

We’ve all had the feeling; being incapable of moving from our current situation whether it’s being in a relationship with someone we don’t like or staying in an employment that we despise. It’s that burden of lacking control.

The truth is, I wasn’t really trapped, as in, there wasn’t anybody pinning me down or preventing me from doing what I wanted-per se. What I lacked wasn’t freedom it was control and the confidence to take it.

When I got thrown out into the Big Wide World one of the first things I lost was the idea of freedom. With coursework handed in and exams completed, I no longer had to torture myself over intellectual questions I had no answer for: but that feeling of freedom only lasts so long.

With no more student loan and even less of an idea of what to do with my life, I was on my own and the clock was ticking and the pennies were leaking out of my pocket and the hope was fading.  I was now limited by money, by responsibility and by my lacking confidence to really push in the job pursuit. Soon I found myself becoming increasingly introverted and finding myself incapable of really pushing myself in any one direction. I felt so restricted by my anxieties and I still do, every single day.

Sometimes our captor is in our own heads and it feels impossible to break free.

A very close friend of mine once told me that sometimes, when we really feel darkness surrounding us, you have to find light in the smallest pleasures.

And you know what really did it for me?

It was last summer. I came home for a few days to recover before going back to the big smoke in an endless search for employment. My mum dragged me to the beach and even though I was reluctant I decided to go for a swim. I always loved it as a kid so I decided to just go for it. And oh boy was it cold!

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My toes were soon in so much pain. I wanted to get out, to return to the warm comfort of my towel but I carried on ‘I just want to go underwater and then I’ll go back to shore.’ But soon enough the pain was gone and I was swimming further and further out. There was just me out in the water and I began to splash around. I dived down, the water filling my ears as the world slowly disappeared. I felt so alone and it was so tranquil. I’ve never felt so free as when I’ve been in the water – sometimes we need to find our little moments of freedom and the places that grant it to us.

Now I’m not saying you should all go grab your trunks and teeny-weeny, polka dot bikinis, but sometimes finding those little places of freedom can save you from burning out- at least for a little while.

And even though it’s FAR too cold, after my little episode, I’ll be heading for the open water.

 If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘Mom knows Best: Things WILL Turn Out Better Than Planned’?

Tags: confidence Joy

Categories: a little piece of joy Adventureland Beth Teverson Wise up!