August 14, 2014 - Written by: Natasha Hotung

Incredible Introverts: Channelling Your Inner Self

It recently occurred to me that in our society, we tend to pigeonhole a person with an introvert personality as quiet, reserved, and in some cases, even a social pariah.

It makes me wonder why some of us are so quick to judge the characteristic make up of an introvert without bothering to get to know who they really are.

Is it because they’re not social, energetic, or as loud as their extrovert counterparts?

Gandhi, an introvert himself, once said:

‘In a gentle way, you can shake the world’.

It is a statement that I truly stand by and one we should seriously start believing in!

From an early age at school, friends are categorised into two social groups – popular or outsider. I can still picture myself as a shy, quiet thirteen-year-old girl from Hong Kong starting at boarding school in the middle of nowhere in Somerset. I remember my awkwardness on the first day as I watched how everyone crowded around the most popular girl in school like bees to honey, desperate to gain a spot in her social clique.

School made me realise, much to my dismay, that in order to be popular and liked on a social level, you had to be, or at least act, like an extrovert.

After all, I had been under the impression at school that extroverts were more confident and sociable. They had more friends and were therefore more likeable, happier people.

In fact, I clung on to this belief for so long that I became a ‘pretend extrovert’. I forced myself to adapt from a wallflower into someone who became increasingly talkative, outgoing and confident.

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Coming from an introvert family background, this was a positive transformation for me, but I sometimes felt deep down that I couldn’t be my true self, if I wanted to fit in with the crowd.

This got me thinking:

Why do people act as if introverts are different from the rest of society, and why are they usually portrayed in a somewhat negative light compared to their extrovert opposites?

Unfortunately, I’ve found that these warped perceptions against introverts, that start in school, seem to remain the same well into adulthood.

A busy social life is a top priority for many adult extroverts. They are usually action-oriented and are known for their need to be surrounded by people. But, just as society accepts and even encourages people to go out and get hammered because it’s cool, why can’t people also accept that some of us would just rather go home, curl up on the sofa and read a book in our pyjamas?

This might come as a surprise to some, but introverts are not antisocial, nor are they lonely. They, in fact, have the ability to form very close friendships and they invest a lot of time analysing issues and contemplating life.

Most importantly, they are perfectly content to enjoy the pleasure of their own company.

They use this time to recharge mentally and physically, away from the rest of the world. It is in this peaceful state of mind that introverts are able to draw upon their intuition and inner creativity. In some cultures and religions, many communities of people view solitude as a way of life and even a sacred privilege.

In the busy, bustling, noise-polluted world we live in today, this is something we can all learn from.

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In the work place, the brash culture of business promotes the idea that we may only succeed if we are cut-throat, fiercely ambitious, and are an extrovert.

We assume introverts are drawn to solitary careers, such as writing or the visual arts, just as we assume extroverts are suited to roles in management, sales, and entertainment.

We need to start recognising that just because introverts may be more quiet and private than extroverts, doesn’t mean they don’t have a voice or the motivation and strength of character to be in positions of authority and leadership. They have just as much potential as extroverts in becoming successful CEOs, managers and leaders in the work place.

In these positions of leadership, they quietly speak out and project their creative vision confidently. Their ideas are just as valuable as those of extroverts, and often more thought provoking and creative.

Many prominent personalities today are self-confessed introverts: J.K. Rowling, Emma Watson, and even President Obama to name a few, are regarded as successful introvert leaders.

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I recently came to terms with my own introvert self after years as a ‘pretend extrovert’. I realised how much I enjoyed my own company and the happiness that I felt from just being myself. We all fall somewhere on a spectrum and we can be introvert, extrovert, or even ambivert (both)!

I should probably say that I have nothing against extroverts. Many of my closest friends are extroverts. They bring me out of my cosy, safe introvert shell and they mean the world to me.

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All I’m saying is that we should try to make more room for introverts so that they can thrive and contribute their views and ideas to a world filled with conversation and noise. That way, we can break down the clichéd paradoxes that have placed both introverts and extroverts into their categorical extremes.

Finally, as Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, urges us: