April 13, 2015 - Written by: Yazmin Joy

Cliques: Friends or Foes?

‘Can I sit here?’

‘I’m sorry, that chair is for my bag.’

‘Oh. Yeah sure. I’ll sit in the corner. By myself then.’

Def. Clique – a close knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.

I can’t stand cliques. What a load of bollocks. Tight insular inward facing friendship circles defined by their exclusivity. *Face palm*. What a waste.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that all cliques are bad in all circumstances. Social sciences consider cliques as a part of our social development, particularly amongst adolescents.

Here are some of the perks of being in a clique:

Protection (SURVIVAL!?) – Because we are in the jungle people!!
A Sense of Belonging – Yes, most of us have an innate desire to belong to a group to secure our social identity.
Mutual Interests – Why not?
Collaboration – If you say so…
Companionship – Because you don’t want to eat lunch on your own. I feel you…
Matching Outfits – Totally raaaaaad man.

(Image via)

I have experienced being on the inside AND on the outside of clique-hood. Being on the inside can be pretty awesome but I can tell you – when you are on the outside – it SUCKS. BIG TIME. Turns out eating lunch on your own is NOT fun. Although it does give you more time to ponder the meaning of life and re-address the stamp collection you started when you were seven. Yay.

During my years of being socially shunned, I began to observe that being in a clique wasn’t really all that an’ a bag of chips. Not really. In fact, I realised that cliques actually hindered development rather than aiding it.

Turns out, cliques don’t really serve ANYONE in the long term, least of all the people IN the clique.

Here are some of reasons why being in a clique ultimately holds you back:

It can limit your personal growth.

Cliques are defined by their collective identity. Think the Pink Ladies in Grease, the Heathers in Heathers, the mean girls in Mean Girls. The problem is there is little room for the individual to develop their identity or voice.

In How To Get Your Own Way: Who’s Manipulating You, Craig Shrives and Paul Easter explain the problems of ‘Groupthink’, which often occurs in cliques.

Groupthink is when independent thinking is lost, preventing us from thinking outside the box:

‘Groupthink can cause a group to make irrational decisions, because its members are fearful of upsetting the group’s cohesiveness’.

(Image via)

It can restrict your network.

Collaboration is key to success, but the problem is, when you are a clique you usually limit your collaborations to those in the inner circle. Sometimes this can be incredibly beneficial but most of the time it can stifle your creativity and limit your network.

Justin Timberlake, Angelina Jolie and Oscar winning screenwriter Graham Moore have all been ones to speak out as people who never really fit in with the crowd.

‘Stay weird…’ ‘Different is good…’ ‘…being different meant you could actually make a difference’. Their messages are all the same: embrace your individuality, because that’s where your strength lies.

It can give you a false sense of security.

Nothing can protect you from LIFE. Everyone is on their own journey, so there is no security in the clique. We can not rely on other people to define and complete us, because the truth is everyone must move on… eventually.

(Image via)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT talking about FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES here. I’m NOT saying – don’t you dare have a group of close friends. I’m not telling you to go and live as a social nomad with no deeply planted connections – quite the opposite.

I AM saying that being a part of a clique can stifle progress. It can hinder your development. It can limit your creativity. It can stop you from making organic and meaningful connections.

There is strength in friendship – so long as you stand together looking out at the world. Why? Because when we engage with the world we open ourselves to new collaborations, ideas and experiences. And when we do this, we are limitless.

Have a great week peeps!

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out ‘A Little Help From My Friends’?