September 11, 2014 - Written by: Erin Johnson

The Q-Word: When ‘Never Give Up’ Isn’t the Best Advice

If there’s anyone that society loathes more than a failure, it’s a quitter. From the time we are kids, we’re constantly bombarded with feel good sayings about “not quitting”.

Sure these sayings have wisdom. Perseverance is an important trait and is key to success.

Many of the world’s great artists, scientists, athletes, businesspeople, and the like have stories of how they beat the odds through grit and sheer determination.

BUT is perseverance the be-all and end-all?

And does it always pay to “never give up”?

I think not.

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When I reminisce about past experiences, there are definitely times where I am grateful that I didn’t quit. Like when I decided to join my school’s cross-country team (LOL, what was I thinking?). It wasn’t fun. I spent much of the time cold and ready to go home. I also never got the runner’s high that many of my teammates experienced. But I learned several things…

For one, I learned that I’m a way better sprinter than distance runner. I also developed mental and physical toughness. Plus, I painfully discovered the importance of investing in Under Armour for freezing, rainy days.

However, I also have experiences where I really wish I had quit while I was ahead. These ended up costing me physically, emotionally, or financially. They also cost me time that I can never get back.

But why am I (and many other people) so reluctant to quit, even when we should?

1. Figuring Out When to Quit is Difficult

It’s not always easy figuring out a.) What is difficult and worth fighting for and b.) What is difficult and better left alone.

If we were to quit every time something became unpleasant, many of us would’ve missed out on otherwise awesome experiences. Nonetheless, at some point we’ve probably wasted our efforts on things that were nothing but energy vampires, and whose costs outweighed their benefits.

Some energy vampires are serious. Like a stressful job that makes someone spiral into depression. Or an abusive relationship that never seems to get better.

Others are relatively benign. For example, I spent months working on a media project. After meeting with a former professor and startup coaches, I was really confident about my idea. Until a journalist with a cult following, major corporate backing, and a team of highly qualified contributors announced a very similar project. After a lot of thought and outside advise, I decided to quit (at least for now). Why? The costs of trying to compete were more than I could deal with at the time.

2. We Care Too Much About What Others Think

A lot of times we’re determined to quit whatever is sucking our energy, but become so concerned by what other people will think. Especially those whose opinions we really value. Learning how to give less weight to people’s opinions is really hard but necessary.

When I decided to hold off on my project, I was afraid of how I would be seen by some of the higher ups. I was worried that they would never want to work with me again because they’d think I had given up too easily. Then I thought about how I would be the one doing the major legwork, so my opinion was crucial.

Yes, it’s important to consider the opinions of others. But they can’t rule everything.

Also, Giving Up Isn’t Always the End

Quitting can also be the beginning of something exciting.

In my case, it allowed me time to devote to another less stressful media project that allows for more creative freedom.

Not convinced? Look at Vera Wang!

Consider Vera Wang’s story.

She gave up professional figure skating to begin a career in fashion. Then she quit an editorial position at Vogue after being turned down for the editor-in-chief role. Afterwards, she went to work for Ralph Lauren before beginning her career as a designer.

Imagine if Vera Wang had been afraid to give up skating professionally? Or if she decided to persevere at Vogue until she landed the coveted editor-in-chief title? The fashion world (and Sex and the City fans) would’ve missed out on some beautiful gowns.

Conclusion?

So don’t be afraid to give up. You’re in good company. Just make it’s something worth quitting. A stressful relationship, job, idea, or housing situation can be worth quitting. On the other hand, no matter how crummy life itself gets, it is one thing that is never worth giving up.

Remember: “Quit” doesn’t have to be another four-letter word. Just make it count for the better.