March 10, 2014 - Written by:

Dating Advice for Guys #1: How to Deal with a Competitor

A few days ago I received an email from a mystery man who had come across our blog. In the letter I was posed an unexpected conundrum…

“My problem, so to say, is a girl problem. I really like her, have feelings towards her but when we went out for a lunch, I understood or she implied that I have a “competitor”. So it would be difficult to ask her out again. Of course, bold as I am, I will ask her out again next week and try to do my best.. Just asking, how should I act from your (neutral) point of view?!”

I sat back after reading. Me? Dating advice? Am I qualified? I mean, I know women, as far as I am one. But could I help in this situation? I decided to buck up. I might not have a book deal or appeared on This Morning, but by jove the man had a love query and I would do my best to answer.

So you wanted advice, Sir. Here it is…


Dear Man of Mystery,

In the dating game there are no winners and losers. Dating is not like a medieval jousting event. There are only opportunities and missed opportunities. Adventures and great escapes. (Okay maybe it is like a medieval jousting event.)

Great! I am glad you have decided to ask her out again. Be the kind of man who chases what he wants in life. Whether it’s relationships, careers or life goals – this is about your character. After all, asking a girl out for a second time can be daunting when you are not sure where you stand (guys don’t have it easy!), but have courage and go for it brother! Plus, women find confidence and ambition attractive.

How should you act?

As far as you are concerned there is no competition. If she likes you then there is no competition. If you are mutually compatible and have a good time together, there is no competition. If you are the guy she wants to be with then THERE IS NO COMPETITION. 


(Image via)

One thing I can’t get out of my head is why or how she implied she had a competitor. Are you sure you interpreted this correctly? It’s not the fact there is a competitor that confuses me, it’s why she might have given that impression. 

If this is an accurate interpretation, on your part, then the girl in question is either a) trying to raise the stakes by making you jealous, b) trying to give the hint she is not interested, c) didn’t mean anything by it – she was winding you up or d) she’s acting like an asshole. She knows you like her so is pushing your buttons. 

At this stage, and from the limited information I have been given, it’s anyone’s guess which is the more accurate. I know this isn’t helpful, so a second date is imperative in deciphering her behaviour.

To eliminate the possibility she is in the friend-zone why not ask her out on an evening date, or soirée if you will? Are you sure it was an actual date last time and not (in her mind) a catch up with a friend? As this might explain why she implied someone else was interested in her. 

My advice: 

 Try and a) have a good time, b) be the best version of yourself and c) figure out whether she is someone YOU want to date. Dating is a mutual ‘getting to know each other exercise’ not about one person impressing another. It will also take the pressure off you.

 As long as she’s not dating the both of you at the same time, the other guy isn’t your problem.

Ladies, I invite you to share your opinion on this. What do you advise our mystery man?

Have a great week peeps!





  • A well considered, thought through reply to this dear man’s dilemma. I heartily endorse it all and would second the idea that he must persist. At least until he reaches a firmer understanding on the reality of the situation i.e. yes or no.

    Again, bravo and well done for not giving a lazy reply full of stock, politically correct answers that would help he or no-one.

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