Confessions of a Past Perfectionist: Why Being Perfect Isn’t Worth It

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the number of tasks you’ve been meaning to check off on your to do list? Do you remember beating yourself up after only achieving a B grade on an exam instead of an A?

Everyone remembers that IT  boy and girl at school who were involved in every aspect of school life, be it in a sports team, drama club or achieving straight As in every subject. Success was always going to be in the cards for them and the world was their oyster.

They were truly gifted in appearance, in person, and on paper. They had the perfect grades, hobbies, looks, lifestyle, and friendship group. They were over achievers, winners, and perfectionists.

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My desire to think, do and be perfect reached its peak while I was at school.

I pressured myself to achieve impeccable grades in all my exams. I became involved with every campus activity including singing in the chamber choir, dancing 10 hours a week for ballet exams, performing in plays, taking part in community outreach, and, in my last year of school, I became head girl.

This perfect facade I had built up over my school years shattered to pieces when I was admitted to hospital at sixteen with diabetic ketoacidosis (I have type one diabetes).

This, annoyingly, was two days before I was supposed to sit my GCSE Maths exam. When the doctor came to put me on a drip, the only thought that came to my mind was how far behind I would be compared to every one else in my year, and worse still, that I might even have to miss the exam. I mean, I hated Maths. Any normal kid would have been thankful and relieved!

My mum later gave me the serious wakeup call I was in desperate need of, when she reminded me that without my health, I wouldn’t be able to walk properly let alone take an exam.

It was then that I realised that this perfect persona I had created was doing me no favours. My priorities were completely distorted and I had to learn my lesson on a hospital bed.

It occurred to me that the perfect life I was trying so hard to maintain and preserve on the outside drastically contrasted to the weight and fear of failure I felt on the inside.

I had been setting unrealistic and unachievable goals for myself to succeed only to feel drained, defeated and, in my case, dangerously ill as a result.

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If any of this sounds at all familiar, you are not alone.

As a society, we are programmed to believe we should be making the most of every opportunity and doing our super-human best at every project, task, or mission we set our minds to.

At school we are taught that the only way to get into the best universities is to achieve excellent grades. At work we are expected to gain a bonus or promotion within months of joining a company. At home, we are expected to raise perfect children and nurture the perfect family.

But, who are we trying to impress?

Unsurprisingly, the personality of a perfectionist goes hand in hand with a workaholic’s. And though I fully support individuals being ambitiously minded and passionate about their own personal goals, I’ve learned from past experience how it can do more damage than good if we take the phrase reach for the stars too literally.

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So ask yourself, does a life long attitude of ‘no pain, no gain’ make you happy? And if not, is being perfect, worth it?

Throughout my adolescence, and as an adult, I have learned to recognise my frequent inability to feel proud of my achievements and to accept compliments from family, friends, and peers. When we finally do succeed in achieving a life goal we are always so quick to form a game plan on how to tackle the next goal on our to-do lists.

You may have heard of the mantra, ‘do something that scares you every day’. I personally find this so called ‘motivation booster’ detrimental to your self-esteem, confidence and even happiness.

Instead of doing something that scares you every day, why not do something you enjoy and want to be doing?

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As soon as I started applying this mantra to my own life, other important areas I had paid little attention to opened up for me such as reading, meditation, and spending quality time with family and friends. I gradually became more relaxed, secure, and an important one for me – approachable.

The COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, offers the ultimate statement on why perfection is not something you should be striving for in her chapter ‘The Myth of Doing It All’. She writes:

‘I took a deep breath and stepped onstage. I tried to be authentic and shared my truth. I announced to the room – and basically everyone on the internet – that I fall very short of doing it all. It felt really good not just to admit this to myself, but to share it with others’ – Lean In

I’ve learned that people are drawn to others not because they are defined by their wealth, intellect and success, but because revealing our flaws and weaknesses helps us realise we are all equals who face similar struggles and hardships as well as victories and joys every day.

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out ‘All Your Perfect Imperfections: Real Women Have Flaws!‘?

Tags: advice confidence happiness Joy self help success

Categories: Mirror Mirror: Self Improvement